#HEY Are you on the list? Are your friends on the list? We’ve got happy hours coming in September. #NATIONAL Monkey selfies; That app Secret? It’s not so secret; So true we’re not sure how this made it on the Onion; Three words: mug of bacon; the White House is …

The ice caps are melting, Solange is lashing out, and government is as inefficient as ever. It’s time to blow the horn, Mr. President. Should Obama Blow The Silver Horn The Founding Fathers Left In Case The Country Ever Needed Them?

Read what Facebook’s Adam Connor calls “the greatest article ever written” New York Times Jeremy W. Peters: The Onion Strikes Comic Gold With Biden Spoofs Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. has never smashed a Whac-A-Mole game in a drunken fit. He has never invoked Freedom of Information laws to …

CBS News: Obama Wants $33B More for War Budget

Roll Call’s Keith Koffler: Obama Weighs War and Peace in Oslo In strikingly tough-minded language, President Barack Obama accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo on Thursday, mixing a call for peace and idealism with a stark reminder that he commands the U.S. military and that war is sometimes necessary.

As only The Onion can do. Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP h/t Turk

The Onion: Congressman Boehner’s Terror Alert Skin Set Back To Orange

From the only news source we pay any attention to: [the Onion] NEW YORK —Addressing reporters yesterday in an unnervingly calm tone of voice, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman—his hands, face, and white-collared shirt covered in blood—said that any obstacle standing in the way of both Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin …

YouTube is offering a groundbreaking contest in which the winner will receive $100,000. The premise of the contest: Make a video that doesn’t suck. In a press conference which can be seen below, a YouTube spokesperson states: “The only requirement for our winning video is that it be somewhat watchable …