1. Beat the last level of Doom. 2. Nothing. The release of an actual birth certificate is just what a foreigner would do. 3. Focus less on registering babies and more on makin’ ’em. 4. Solve the riddle that is … Obama’s missing boating license. 5. Hope that their next …

UPDATE: Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama’s Placenta http://onion.com/aIsqbH Unless you just woke up, you know the White House just released Obama’s birth certificate.  It looks something like this. What you might not have known is that Donald Trump is claiming credit and consequently, is also out of campaign issues. “Today, …

Obama, opening a town hall at Facebook HQ, in Palo Alto, Calif.: “My name is Barack Obama, and I’m the guy who got Mark [Zuckerberg] to wear a jacket and tie. (Applause.) … h/t Mike Allen

We’re a big fan of this.  The crowd reaction is priceless. President Barack Obama greets surprised tourists at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., Saturday, April 9, 2011. The President made an unannounced stop to thank people for visiting the memorial a day after he and Congressional leaders agreed on …

From BarackObama.com “This campaign is just kicking off. We’re opening up offices, unpacking boxes, and starting a conversation with supporters like you to help shape our path to victory. 2012 begins now, and this is where you say you’re in.” Wait, isn’t this the same ad campaign that the Redskins …

When you’re the President of the United States, there really is no reason to carry keys. President Barack Obama had to try a couple of doors at the White House before finally gaining access to the Oval Office on Wednesday. Returning from a five-day trip to Latin America, video shows …

His words, not ours… [dollar bills, y’all] Huckabee: “If I run, I walk away from a pretty good income. I don’t want to walk away any sooner than I have to because frankly, I don’t have a lot of reserve built up. However, he’s still confident. “I think he can …

Obama flubs lowest “share,” so it sounds like he says sh*t in the presser. NOTE: This is exactly how press conferences should go.

Eariler today, @DCEmpanadas, a popular DC food truck, tweeted its Capitol South location. To their surprise, Obama retweeted the post. However, the retweet has already been scrubbed from Obama’s feed. Below is a screen grab of @DCEmpanadas retweeting the retweet. [confused yet?] Regardless of whether this was an accident or …

Robert Basler of Oddly Enough asks:  These photos show President Barack Obama, former President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton laughing their butts off at… a) Former President George W. Bush doing a dramatic live reading from his new book, “Decision Points” b) The Ricky Gervais monologue at …

Before everybody flies off the handle and starts getting upset about the $1.1 trillion omnibus bill, perhaps we should step back and analyze some of the worthy projects. $125,000 – Fishery equipment for the Guam Fisherman’s Cooperative Association Ever been to Guam? Trust us, this is more than fair, especially …

“F*** the President!” – unidentified House Democratic Member of Congress CQ-Roll Call’s Anna Palmer: Profanity, Anger Spill Over in House Democratic Caucus Meeting One unidentified lawmaker went so far as to mutter “f— the president” while Rep. Shelley Berkley (D-Nev.) was defending the package the president negotiated with Republicans. Berkley …

Bloomberg News: N. Korea Attack on South Kills Two, Sets Homes Ablaze

POV at the W got its highest profile guest yet this afternoon: the turkey soon to be pardoned by the Carver in Chief, President Obama. Tom Turkey was on the rooftop bar vogueing for ABC’s cameras and taking in the view this afternoon. He refused comment on his next stop, …