Hat tip to Patrick Reis at Politico’s Morning Energy for this great one-liner. He might not be able to tell what day of the week it is, but the man can write. As we all know, Congress – like the Metro – is not scared to go to single tracking. Read the …

Who recently said this? “The past me used to show his happiness on the outside, and there’s no need to do that anymore.” 1. Chris Matthews 2. Gilbert Arenas 3. Adrian Fenty 4. Harry Reid Click to find out.

This is what happens when you are your own campaign spokesperson: “I don’t mind gays, I just don’t want them stuffing it down my throat all the time and certainly in my kid’s face” Awful.

As the competition for readers increases, so does the level of creativity in the headlines. Ben Nelson Has Issues [RCP] Don’t worry Mr. Nelson, we have issues too.

Even boozing can be political… During [yesterday’s] WH meeting with cong. leaders, Obama said he saw House Min. Leader John Boehner "drinking egg nog" at this week’s cong. holiday party. Boehner responded: "I was drinking wine". [pool report] h/t Last Call

So long as he says things like this, we’ll continue to cover his brilliance. [gifted] I just get naked. That’s what I do. — Levi Johnston What can we say, he’s good with words.

This is kind of hysterical. Republican Congressman Jeff Flake, [R-Ripped] released the following statement regarding his vote against H.Res.784, a bill “honoring the 2560th anniversary of the birth of Confucius and recognizing his invaluable contributions to philosophy and social and political thought.” “He who spends time passing trivial legislation may …

But they keep it on the down-low… Rep. Frank LoBiondo (R-NJ) meets "every few months" to make "home-made sausage" with an "exclusive club of men," including Rep. Bill Pascrell (D-NJ), "a connoisseur of Italian sausage" (Newark Star-Ledger). h/t Wake Up Call

First Lady Michelle talking tough: "It’s a battle — we’re going to win — take no prisoners…"  [gold medal beat down] FLOTUS talking crime Olympics.

In regards to Matt Latimer’s [former Bush speech writer] new book: "Latimer is a pimple on the ass of life."– Tony Fratto, a deputy press secretary under Bush. Clever.

Sen. Jim DeMint on running for President: "I wouldn’t get out of my driveway without my wife shooting me in the back. You’ve got to find somebody who’s smart enough to be a great president but dumb enough to want to be president. Right now, I think I’m still too …

It’s like having a meeting before the meeting.  They’re super important. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison formally announced her bid for TX gov. today, after her semi-formal announcement a month ago that followed her pre-prom announcement in April. Seen in Hotline’s Last Call

Exactly. Obama has yet to answer the most pressing question Americans have about his health care plan: What will happen to Michael Jackson’s doctor? h/t Last Call

"I think I have the perfect antidote, Mr. Chairman, to teenage pregnancy. Require every teenager to sit through one of these markups. If that doesn’t put you in a nonsexual, noninteractive mood, nothing will" — Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX), apparently turned off by health care debate. [Yeas & Nays] h/t …

From Last Call: Gov. Sanford is headed out of town this weekend with his wife for a short vacation. In related news, his mistress has announced she will be hiking the Appalachian Trail. Well played.