Facebook Status Abuse: Jenn: Speeddating tonight! I’m short on Jewish women: Women 30-40/Men 35-45 event at 7:00 at YAKU. Email me if you want to come for free. Jenn, e-Harmony is hiring. Third door on the left. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Abuse: I think I lost my chance with the one person I care about. A very Mark Sanfordish approach to updating your Facebook status. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Abuse: Boarded flight to Denver… Unless you’re running from the law and attempting to shake the feds, posting items like this is annoying. Do you know somebody abusing Facebook? Report them below. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Awesomeness: Patrick McHenry: Much has happened since I started a long month of townhalls … So, MJ isn’t really the father of Blanket? And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you do it.

Facebook Status Abuse: Am I the only person who doesn’t have someone to vacation with this summer or the money to do so? Pardon the interruption, but Match.com is over there, and Suzie Orman re-runs can be found on CNBC. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Awesomeness: What are these……keys? Are you kidding now? Who in the world though I was capable of driving the Life Machine? Mark Sanford is that you? We seem to be on a creative roll. Keep them coming. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Awesomeness : Jenny thinks it’s really weird when my patients wear their shoes during a colonoscopy. Better than them trying to leave their pants on…

Facebook Awesomeness: Spielberg and Lucas owe me an apology, and I want it in writing. I just watched the 4th Indiana Jones. 2 hours and 2 minutes of my life I will never get back. This just dropped of our Netflix cue.  Who says Facebook is worthless? [contact-form 3 "Facebook …

Facebook Status Awesomeness: I’m kinda grumpy today, dude. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I was having those dreams again. Ya know, how it’s just me in a castle and I gotta fight, like, a thousand wizards and the only way to beat them is to punch …

Facebook Status Abuse: Jim is eating ramen noodles. Either Jim wants you to know that he’s broke, or that he enjoys warm Asian noodles. We don’t care which it is – nor does anyone else. Is your friend abusing their Facebook status? Report them below. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Abuse: I wouldn’t have a beer with Obama, even if I was offered the whole brewery. Because why would you want to be able to tell your grandchildren that you had a beer with the President of the United States.  That would be silly. Facebook Status Awesomeness: The …

Facebook Status Awesomeness: This just in: favre just tipped-off tmz and espn that he’s about to get dunked on by local high schoolers. Favre is like a bad date that won’t end. Just when you think dinner is over, a certain somebody orders dessert. Move on old man. Know someone …

Facebook Status Abuse Jim is just twittering to let you know I am very sick and will not be twittering. Jimmy, because you’re playing the virtual sympathy card, we’ve included this link . Get well. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Abuse: Jimmy is drinking coffee What, no post about making it first? Come on folks, nobody cares that you’re drinking coffee, or making a sandwich or taking a nap. Please attempt to be slightly more creative. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Facebook Status Abuse: Kari: So lately, I’ve been missing the toilet when I throw my paper in. Is that weird? Am I losing aim? First of all, yes, that’s weird. Secondly, what ever happens to you in the privacy of your own bathroom is not to be regurgitated across your …