Posts Tagged
April Fools
Scott Brown and John Thune to form the Congressional Handsome Caucus; Vow to Pass Playboys’ Bill of Rights
In a bid to protect the rights of the good looking, Senators Brown and Thune will put their monosyllabic names together to form a new caucus. No word yet on a Joint Committee with Reps. Bono and Herseth Sandlin…either way, look for video. Note: Sen. Brown renounced his retirement minutes …
No Staffer Admits To Actually Reading the Health Care Bill
We’ve known it for years, we just never had proof. According to the latest FDC survey, nobody [including staff] actually reads the legislation that is crafted on Capitol Hill. “We never read these things – they’re just too long,” said an unidentified staffer wearing salmon-colored khakis and a crab belt. …
Capitol Club Member is Victim of Vicious Critter Belt Attack: Crab yells “I’m sick and tired of holding up your beer gut” before disappearing behind the bar at Tony & Joe’s
Crabs, lobsters, whales, and sailboats are banding together to face their common enemy: Georgetown Frat Daddies. In what is likely only the first salvo in what promises to be an epic battle between critter and Cap Clubber, a crab left its braided belt homeland to take the life of a …
Rosa DeLauro to Star as Spock in Next Star Trek Film
Leonard Nimoy is tired of being the only original Trek cast member not either dead or gainfully employed [you can find Nichelle Nichols at your local BK drive thru], so he’s switching places with the Gentlehipster from Connecticut, Rosa DeLauro. J.J. Abrams couldn’t be more excited with the change. No …
Scott Brown Announces Retirement, Cites Desire to Spend More Time Not Wearing Pants
Only months after tea drinkers swept him into office, Scott Brown announced he was leaving Congress. “This job looked a lot better on paper. Plus, I have less time to drive my truck…which I generally do without pants on. Did I mention I drive a truck? And that my daughters …