#NATIONAL Today’s most beautiful story: a kid dressed up in a Teletubby costume, broke into his friend’s house, dumped their leftover Chinese into his man purse, and left; It’s the Giants, again; #nope fake clowns terrorizing France; Starbucks will deliver so you don’t have to walk fifty feet ; J.K. …

Thanks to everyone who joined us at the Hawk ’n’ Dove last night for the FamousDC Final Push Toward November Happy Hour! It was fitting to celebrate 100 Years of the New Republic, with 100 days left in 2014, with well over one hundred of FamousDC’s beltway celebs. A very …

#NATIONAL Grover Norquist went to Burning Man; RIP Joan Rivers; How to read the New Yorker; this sheep settled the drone debate; lock down your iCloud- just kidding, everything’s probably stolen already; dollar store wars; PSL problems: Starbucks wants even more of your money; the new iPhone and the new…iWatch?; who …

#THELIST Are you on our list? We’re pulling together happy hours in September and October on Capitol Hill. #NATIONAL Yo, Russia – chill bro, you’re being totally harsh; 50 Cent vs. Floyd Mayweather update: point to Mayweather; is this the new imaginary girlfriend story of 2014?; Google’s cars can’t drive in …

#HEY Are you on the list? Are your friends on the list? We’ve got happy hours coming in September. #NATIONAL Monkey selfies; That app Secret? It’s not so secret; So true we’re not sure how this made it on the Onion; Three words: mug of bacon; the White House is …

Have $342,552? Want a kid? [D.C. is your place to be] American History is about to get a little more [LGBT] Pharrell’s hat (yes that one) is about to get a little more [Newseum] Sign of the Virginia Whale [spotted in a river] DC’s Pokémon world championships [in photos] Uber …

#AMERICA Happy Independence Day; here’s 7,000 fireworks exploding at once; Are you doing anything to celebrate America? If not, please choose an activity or read the Declaration of Independence you communist; We’re now at our furthest distance from the sun today; Your fireworks brought to you courtesy of China; We …

#NATIONAL The US lost their game and advance in the World Cup — perfect gif for this; 22 Jump Street = worth seeing; Huffington Post UK wins the world’s competition for clever headlines this week; #DISTRICT D.C. taxis … seriously guys?;Congressional leaders held hands and were super awkward; Democrats win …

“The New York Times is reconsidering its long-standing plan to create an early morning political tipsheet [POLITICO has learned“] SCOTUSblog just can’t catch a break [denied credentials again] NPR crowding Matt Laslo’s space [MD gubernatorial beer preferences] Chris Brown is trying to [make a deal] Marion Barry hears “Yogurt Tax” …

#NATIONAL D-Day in photos; This 93 year old man is parachuting into Normandy again in full dress; And just one more D-Day story for you; Don’t make Kevin Spacey go all Frank Underwood on your ass; Will Obama wrestle a bear next?; Those curls are intimidating the world; And yet, …

#NATIONAL Sucks to tie the National Spelling Bee; also this fail broke our hearts last night; but this one made us laugh; #Basketballmer; TL;DNR; 50 cent threw out a bad pitch but Wonkblog threw back a good infographic; Google’s version of  a self driving car sounds like a death trap; …

Not feeling reading a 50 page policy paper in your office on a Friday? Want to get off Capitol Hill for a couple hours, but also want it known that you’re doing legitimate work? If you’re working in government and want to save the world (I’m looking at you, almost everyone in DC), check out this amazing day of startup government focused talks at 1776 tomorrow. Register now or read on.

You think the DC Taxicab Commission is pissed at Uber now? Wait until you read this: “In a major update to its mobile app, Google Maps will now integrate Uber’s on-demand car service. That means when you’re looking up the route from point A to B in certain cities, the …

Look up at your calendar, folks. It’s May — which means spring in the District is finally upon us. Put away your snow boots, stock up on the deodorant and prep yourselves for #DCspring2014. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered on where to go from here. Wait, is it REALLY here? Ways you know: There’s always  a line out the door of every salad place downtown. Swimsuit season folks. Parking: Ha. Good one. That special dead-of-August feeling is looming. Weather forecasters predict 80 degree weather, not exceeding 90. That’s a mild spring day in the District. Your Google Cal has no availability. You may wait for the bus forever. No, really. As in, it will never arrive. Tourists are taking pictures of everything. Corner of random building? Picture. Group of flowers. Picture. Beer? Picture. You feel your inner athlete resurface, only to one day twist your ankle on a sunrise monument run. Your inner athlete will retreat back to your living room for the remaining warm weather. “IT’S NOT THE HEAT. IT’S THE HUMIDITY!” is always being yelled now. Cherry blo- well, they’re gone now. No Instagram for you. There are too many activities to pick from. All in the same night: your friend’s party, an acquaintance’s party, a spring happy hour, three concerts you want to see. Brunches are getting a lot more aggressive. People are finding really creative places to lay out when the sun’s shining. Prep to Sweat: Throw out that old pair of flip flops you’ve had for 2 years and get some real summer footwear. Air out your seersucker apparel if Derby Weekend didn’t make you do that already. Buy excess sunscreen, bug spray and perfume. Get all koozies in a prominent place in your home for easy access. Familiarize yourself with reading weather radar. You’re gonna need it. Ready your 1 liter reusable water bottle, preferably one that effectively hides booze. Get a few sessions of hot yoga in to simulate the insane heat, humidity and close proximity of strangers you are about to experience. Plot a map of all rooftop bars to consult at a moment’s notice. Plot a map of well air-conditioned, commercial building lobbies to duck into at a moment’s notice. Fluff your couch cushions because everyone you know wants to visit “when it gets warmer.” Major mistake, friends, relatives & obscure college classmates. Find your damned sunglasses. Steel yourself against the crushing loneliness that will inevitably surface when your friends have plans to get out of town, oh, every single weekend. Know that you can always make it that one more block to the bar, no matter how close to collapse you feel. Remind yourself of the best angle at which you can stand to feel the feeble air conditioning drifting out of the columns on underground Metro platforms. Pro-Tips Congress is on recess. PARTY! An umbrella makes an excellent walking stick and tourist tripping device. Ladies: You can wear your hair up 5 days in a row and no one will judge you. The National Mall gets its own zip code when it fills up. You will go to unreasonable lengths to get a ride to a summer festival (aka a $150 Uber ride). Many people in DC have winter climate pups. No one likes a sweat stain, not even the Hollywood for Ugly People. Jazz in the Garden exists. Google it. It’s awesome. It’s also BYOB. Biking in traffic is a lot harder than Capital Bikeshare promotional photos make it out to be. DC “natives” come up with quite creative excuses to partake in a 3-day weekend vacation. Do with this knowledge what you will. The amount you sweat outside will never equal the amount of beer you’re taking in. Sangria: it’s a lifesaver.

Adieu dinosaur bones [DC says goodbye to Fossil Hall until 2019] Uber’s defensive [because UberX can be deadly] Nationals conquer the Padres 4-0 [Natitude] Kids too frequently are [skipping school in DC] Old Post Office Tower closing [on Thursday] House of Cards will stay in Maryland after all [everything’s coming …