Stretch out your tweeting thumbs, round up your b-cards, and grab those Crest Whitestrips because it’s finally here– it’s White House Correspondents Dinner Weekend. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, then odds are you are a nobody — it’s #nerdprom weekend and it’s going to get a little crazy (or as crazy as journalists can be) in DC.

Remember in high school when prom was all about “pre-gaming” at the most popular person’s house, wearing a dress that would make jaws drop & sipping alcohol for the first time — Well this is kind of like that, only with a bunch of nerds and way different repercussions.

What can you expect from this glorious first weekend in May? Don’t forget, it’s the 100th anniversary… We’ve got you covered.

Tip 1: Know WTF is happening.

The White House Correspondents Dinner is a shindig put on by the WH Correspondents Association — aka the ladies & gentleman who cover what Obama and Co. are up to daily. The WHCA assigns seating for the journalists in the WH briefing room, hands out awards, acts all powerful, etc, etc. This year’s dinner is hosted by the always charming, Joel McHale at the Washington Hilton. Look for celebs everywhere. And by everywhere, we mean EVERYWHERE. In the days leading up to the main event, everyone’s basically getting drunk & rubbing elbows. For one weekend a year, DC is the coolest place in the country. PS: Here’s a list of celebs and who’s at whose table, and here’s the WHCD by the numbers, in case you need to drop a fact into an otherwise awkward conversation.

Protip: Everyone wants to know what your next move is. Make sure you ask, “Oh, where were you before this party?” “Are you going anywhere after this?” “Tell me about your plans tomorrow.” Know how to feign excitement if someone’s plans actually suck.

Tip 2: Know how to party, respectably.

You’re allowed to get sloppy drunk on 14th Street any other weekend of the year, but not this one. PACE YOURSELVES. There are A LOT of parties,  A LOT of alcohol, and A LOT of single people. When they bring out the thousand dollar ice luge, stay calm. If you’re shy, you’re already losing.

Protip: Saying hi to EVERYONE, maybe even crack a smile for once in your adult life. Remember that.

Tip 3: Know how to sneak in.

“I’m with Joe,” should have you covered. Here’s where you’re gonna want to be, ALL. DAMN. WEEKEND.

Tip 4: Know what NOT to say.

We all know DC is “Hollywood for ugly people” — but no one wants to hear it over and over again. We get it, we’re ugly. Sure, talk about Twitter, but once again, no one wants to hear that you are ‘verified’ or have more followers than them. Arguing is fun — keep it tasteful, throw in some interesting points and always act like you’re hot sh*t.

Tip 5: Keep reading.

You think four tips are going to cover it if it’s your first time to WHCW? We don’t think so. Check out the sweet tips in the Story Partners #SPWHCD party wrap-up by Emily Heil and this survival guide by Patrick Gavin.