Do you know which cities were contenders to hold the 2014 Winter Olympics? We do. Here are some nice places where we could have avoided this whole yogurt banning, stray dog killing, dirty water running controversy going on now.
Salzburg, Austria
Reasons
- The Sound of Music was shot there. Cities don’t get more romantic than that.
- Mozart was born in the city. Doesn’t hurt to birth a little talent.
- It’s almost 2,000 miles away from Sochi.
Jaca, Spain
Reasons
- It’s a thousand years old. It has this being a real city thing down pat.
- The city is settled in the Pyrenees Mountains. Mountains + winter = win.
- It is not within the former Soviet border.
Almaty, Kazakhstan
Reasons
- Civilization here dates back to literally prehistoric times.
- These outfits. They don’t need the Olympics to dress cool.
- It’s not Sochi.
Pyeongchang, South Korea
Reasons
- The existing city is hosting the Olympics in 2018 and is ready already!
- Elevation ranges from 2,300 to 2,600 ft above sea level.
- This city is not located in Russia.
Sofia, Bulgaria
Reasons
- Located at the foot of a legit mountain.
- 15th largest city in the European Union.
- Still not Sochi.
Borjomi, Georgia
Reasons
- The water is so clean here, they not only drink it from the tap, they even bottle it.
- The aristocracy chilled out in this town back in the day.
- It broke free from Russia – still not Russia.
But no, these weren’t good enough. Sochi, Russia won out the other bidders.
Sochi, Russia
Reasons
- The water here is so contaminated they warn you not to wash your face with it.
- You can’t flush the toilet paper (because they “filter” the water to reuse) so you THROW IT IN A TRASH CAN literally inside your bathroom – gross.
- Dogs. Everywhere. We assume they eat your face while you sleep.
So there you have it folks. Sochi, Russia, where dogs roam the streets and the water is dark brown on a good day, beat all these cities to host the 2014 Winter Olympics.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL, GOD SPEED, AND GO TEAM USA.
#MERICA