#NATIONAL ~shark week~; RIP Robin Williams, we will miss you; Newsflash: 23 million of Twitter’s ‘active users’ are bots; #DISTRICT Jayson Werth drives. Fast.; Yes, the Pokémon World Championships is in DC this weekend; Mid-August that feels like Mid-October makes us feel some type of way; Anyone else overindulging in #RestaurantWeek?;  …

You hear the name Hefner and odds are a few things come to mind. We don’t need to get into that right now, but if you’re still with me and not dreaming about…well you know, then you should know right now that Christie Hefner, daughter of Hugh, is more than …

Look up at your calendar, folks. It’s May — which means spring in the District is finally upon us. Put away your snow boots, stock up on the deodorant and prep yourselves for #DCspring2014. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered on where to go from here. Wait, is it REALLY here? Ways you know: There’s always  a line out the door of every salad place downtown. Swimsuit season folks. Parking: Ha. Good one. That special dead-of-August feeling is looming. Weather forecasters predict 80 degree weather, not exceeding 90. That’s a mild spring day in the District. Your Google Cal has no availability. You may wait for the bus forever. No, really. As in, it will never arrive. Tourists are taking pictures of everything. Corner of random building? Picture. Group of flowers. Picture. Beer? Picture. You feel your inner athlete resurface, only to one day twist your ankle on a sunrise monument run. Your inner athlete will retreat back to your living room for the remaining warm weather. “IT’S NOT THE HEAT. IT’S THE HUMIDITY!” is always being yelled now. Cherry blo- well, they’re gone now. No Instagram for you. There are too many activities to pick from. All in the same night: your friend’s party, an acquaintance’s party, a spring happy hour, three concerts you want to see. Brunches are getting a lot more aggressive. People are finding really creative places to lay out when the sun’s shining. Prep to Sweat: Throw out that old pair of flip flops you’ve had for 2 years and get some real summer footwear. Air out your seersucker apparel if Derby Weekend didn’t make you do that already. Buy excess sunscreen, bug spray and perfume. Get all koozies in a prominent place in your home for easy access. Familiarize yourself with reading weather radar. You’re gonna need it. Ready your 1 liter reusable water bottle, preferably one that effectively hides booze. Get a few sessions of hot yoga in to simulate the insane heat, humidity and close proximity of strangers you are about to experience. Plot a map of all rooftop bars to consult at a moment’s notice. Plot a map of well air-conditioned, commercial building lobbies to duck into at a moment’s notice. Fluff your couch cushions because everyone you know wants to visit “when it gets warmer.” Major mistake, friends, relatives & obscure college classmates. Find your damned sunglasses. Steel yourself against the crushing loneliness that will inevitably surface when your friends have plans to get out of town, oh, every single weekend. Know that you can always make it that one more block to the bar, no matter how close to collapse you feel. Remind yourself of the best angle at which you can stand to feel the feeble air conditioning drifting out of the columns on underground Metro platforms. Pro-Tips Congress is on recess. PARTY! An umbrella makes an excellent walking stick and tourist tripping device. Ladies: You can wear your hair up 5 days in a row and no one will judge you. The National Mall gets its own zip code when it fills up. You will go to unreasonable lengths to get a ride to a summer festival (aka a $150 Uber ride). Many people in DC have winter climate pups. No one likes a sweat stain, not even the Hollywood for Ugly People. Jazz in the Garden exists. Google it. It’s awesome. It’s also BYOB. Biking in traffic is a lot harder than Capital Bikeshare promotional photos make it out to be. DC “natives” come up with quite creative excuses to partake in a 3-day weekend vacation. Do with this knowledge what you will. The amount you sweat outside will never equal the amount of beer you’re taking in. Sangria: it’s a lifesaver.

Carnegie Library is a great scene. Cocktails are always welcomed on a Friday night. Selfies were all the rage over WHCD 2014.

Stretch out your tweeting thumbs, round up your b-cards, and grab those Crest Whitestrips because it’s finally here– it’s White House Correspondents Dinner Weekend. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, then odds are you are a nobody — it’s #nerdprom weekend and it’s going to get a little …

Have you heard? Life is RUFF out there for our dogs out there in the DMV. So many of them have great homes, but what about the ones that don’t? Luckily the Washington Humane Society is here to help our furry friends who don’t have forever homes. We are looking …

DMV artists to [watch out for] Puppies Puppies Everywhere: [cute is an understatement] Woo Me at the Zoo [nothing says love like a giant panda] WORST. IDEA. EVER?  [pardon my vomit during takeoff] Get drunk with Obama [warm your soul here] Photo by  John Sonderman

Three hours of watching Hollywood’s best looking men and women take home awards last night may have us feeling mediocre, but the good news is that DC has its fair share of awards to be given.

Travel More: Sure, let us fit that in around the 2014 and 2016 election cycles. The boss will be a-okay with me jetting to Belfast for the week. Pack Lunch: Ha. Get real. Hi again, Sweetgreen. Check Your Phone Less: BUT first you must out-wonk this guy who you know only …

Stick on that stamp because Christmas is right around the corner and letters to Santa were due yesterday. What are the people of DC who you didn’t hear enough about the past 12 months asking for? Luckily for you, our elf sources handed over their personal notes to the North …

In the Capital is hosting a swath of the most important, influential people in DC tonight to do what important, influential people do – receive awards. They’re awarding categories in Marketing & Advertising, Tech, Education, Dining & Retail, Sport & Fitness, Arts & Media, Healthcare & Medical, Real Estate & Design, …

Happy “Week Before Thanksgiving” (and Hanukkah!) We’re struggling this week. If you are too, find yourselves at these cool events to make it through. TODAY How to Make Blogging Pay TUESDAY Graffiato Whiskey Tasting, Food Pairing & Booze for Babes Signing WEDNESDAY Samuel Adams Autumn Gala The Anti-Beaujolais Nouveau Celebration: …

We all know what DC stands for, literally- but let’s talk about what it means FIGURATIVELY: Drama. City. When the tough gets going up here on the East Coast, DC area residents freak the hell out. Let’s delve into the world of WINTER TIME in DC, shall we? Mass DC …

Nine years ago, Chef Bart Vandaele transformed a worn down Barracks Row parking garage located next to a porn shop into the District’s original (may we say best?) Belgian restaurant. Nestled between the Marine Barracks and the Capital lies this wonder of what we would consider perfect authentic Belgian food. …

In which we show you the canine equivalent of select political figures. (Yes, we know Sarah Palin isn’t in Congress and Chris Dodd is retired, so save it.) 1. Mitch McConnell   2. Harry Reid    3. Debbie Wasserman Schultz    4. Ted Cruz    5. Sarah Palin     …