According to the clever minds at Last Call. The new existential rules: If your Twitter account gets hijacked, you explain on Facebook. If someone hijacks your Facebook, you have to change your name and start over. For more social network rules, try this on for size.

Can we talk about the people who thought of getting Levi Johnston to do ads for their pistachio company? They are the smartest people in the world. Next Ad: "Hi.  I’m Levi Johnson, and I KNOW nuts…"

It’s time to get NASA more funding.  They’re taking drastic steps. NASA will tomorrow launch a spectacular mission to bomb the Moon.  [moon madness] But that’s not the best line … The attack on the Moon is not a declaration of war or act of wanton vandalism. Pluto finally gets …

The first battle between @davidall and @michaelturk took place during the FamousDC Twitter tourney — and now, the rematch. Michael Turk has a message for the voracious social networker David All, and he is going to wear it on his sleeve. According to Jacque Bland and Tara Palmeri with The …

Yesterday we mentioned that radio giant Rush Limbaugh might be in the business of buying a NFL team. Rush Limbaugh has talked in the past about being interested in buying the St. Louis Rams if they ever came on the market, and now he’s reportedly in one of three groups …

First of all, what the hell happened to Macy Gray?  Given her natural ability and grace, there is no way she already got voted off.  We’ll just assume she was so good, she got an automatic pass to the finals. As for Tango Tom, he did not disappoint. ABC, who …

What’s more American than Uncle Sam panhandling for $12 trillion? According to a tipster, who spotted Sam this morning in Dupont Circle, he was passing out pamphlets and making up reciting all sorts of stats on the deficit. [rain man style] He also mentioned that there were multiple Uncle Sams …

Congrats to all the new fathers. @MKHammer: Congrats on politi-Twitter baby boom, @thenote , @jaketapper , @PatrickRuffini , @jeffemanuel ! As Bebe’s Kids would say, "We multiply!" Who doesn’t love NYE?

Facebook Status Abuse: FarmVille: THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN! You know what they say about elephants, y’all: They never forget. Well, for the next 48 HOURS in FarmVille, you can send a BABY ELEPHANT to your friends so that they’ll never forget YOU. Be sure to hurry, these not-…so-little critters …

Rush Limbaugh must be getting bored behind the mic. Rush Limbaugh has talked in the past about being interested in buying the St. Louis Rams if they ever came on the market, and now he’s reportedly in one of three groups vying for ownership. [if you’re giving money away…] Donovan …

This didn’t take long: Jesse Jackson Blames George Bush for Chicago’s Olympic Size Defeat [and why not] Nor did this:

Facebook Status Abuse: Fred had a great breakfast It’s entirely too early on a Monday morning to make fun of Fred, but he’s officially been warned. [contact-form 3 "Facebook Alerts"]

Chances are Rep. Jason Altmire will not be buying tulips from these folks anytime soon. BTW: This place also specializes in full-body massages – hence the word "more". h/t Crank

For those readers who’ve been laid up under a rock for the past 6 months, we’ve got some bad news for you: Elizabeth Edwards is threatening to divorce her husband, John, after learning of allegations he had committed adultery with more than one woman, the National Enquirer is reporting. [creep] …

Facebook Status Curiosity: Mike Huckabee: Please join me on Facebook tonight from 7 to 10 PM ET to help me spread our message and tell our government leaders "you work for us." Nobody likes three-hour windows, Mike. Just ask the Comcast HR department.