Many people think New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie will end speculation about whether he will join the presidential race with a 1 p.m. press conference, however, we were just sent his remarks, and it’s not what you might have expected.
Gov. Chris Christie’s Remarks
Let me get straight to the point. I’m here to tell you that I’m not running. Period. I ain’t running anywhere. Unless Denny’s is about to retire the Grand Slam breakfast, there is no sense in running. That’s why I have people. Let other people do the running. I have security detail with SUVs. They drive me. Why run?
In all seriousness, today I stand in front of you in order to announce my intentions … to play golf this weekend. I like playing golf. I enjoy the sport and I’m going to play as many holes as my body allows – like 7 or 8, max. I’m thinking I will play on Saturday afternoon, or perhaps Sunday. Really it depends on the weather. Matter of fact, I will probably play during the Eagles game because no American should have to waste their weekend by watching that sloppy football. The Dream Team that can’t get a first down?
After I play golf, I will likely watch re-runs of Friday Night Lights and order the wings from Applebee’s. Have you had those wings? With the different dipping sauces? That is what America needs today: options. They give you like three different sauces and each more delicious than the other. Today, we only have once sauce: Obamasauce. Did you see what I did there? I tied wings and dipping sauce to politics while talking about sports. Where you at Perry? Have you ever been to Applebee’s, Romney?
We need more of this kind of dialogue in America today, and that’s what I bring to the dinner table if I decide to one day to stop teasing you like a dancer at Scores, and actually make a decision. Until then, I’ll continue to watch my name clog up Twitter feeds.
Update:
National Review: Christie’s out. http://t.co/QqZtzcNt Guessing his 1pm is to announce he’s following A&M to the SEC h/t @MikePLong
@GovSarahPalin Will he choose the Great American or Old Country Buffet for dinner? RT @TheFix: Chris Christie press conf at 1 pm. Decision clock.
