There’s only two things that people are talking about these days: halloween and the upcoming presidential election. Surprisingly enough, both of these topics are scary, distressing, and up to no good. So why not combine the best parts of halloween (candy) with the best parts of the election (making fun of people)?
We’re one step ahead of you! So be on the look out if these candies find a way into your pillowcase. And remember that if you find them to be partially unwrapped, throw them away immediately.
Donald Trump – Flavored Tootsie Rolls
They don’t make much sense. How do you go from a rich and distinctive flavor like chocolate to vanilla, strawberry, lime, lemon, and orange? Terrible.
Hillary Clinton – Cookies ‘n Creme Bar
A new and exciting take on the typical, classic Hershey chocolate bar that just might be even better than it’s predecessor.
Tiffany Trump – Jolly Rancher
One of those things that always seems to be there, but there’s always other, more exciting candy around.
Kellyanne Conway – Dots
You spend more time picking at your teeth to clean up the mess than you do enjoying them.
Bill Clinton – Laffy Taffy
They’re great and delicious but there’s still something a little slimy about them.
Ivanka Trump – Mellowcreme Pumpkins
You’re amazed at how something so good can come from someone something so orange.
Jeb Bush – Almond Joy
Not the most popular, but it comes in the same bag as the snickers, butterfingers, kit kats, milky ways, and three musketeers so it’s what you get once the rest have been taken.
Barack Obama – Candy Corn
You either love them or you hate them. But whatever side you fall on, we can all agree that they’re sickeningly sweet.
Michelle Obama – Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Even though you know what you’re in for, you can’t help but get a little emotional from the pleasant surprise of that rush of peanut butter in the center of that chocolatey goodness.
Melania Trump – Reese’s Pieces
It’s the exact same thing as a reese’s peanut butter cup, just pronounced differently.
Ted Cruz – Starbursts
You’re never quite sure what you’re gonna get. You could be pleasantly surprised and get a red or pink one, but in all likelihood you’ll end up with the disgusting yellow or orange.
Bernie Sanders – Sour Patch Kids
First they’re sour, then they’re sweet. Sour. Sweet. Gone.
Chris Christie – Double Bubble
It’s got a little flavor for like a second, but you’re over it really fast.
Marco Rubio – Butterfingers
They make you REALLY thirsty.
