Okay, so maybe neither Trump nor Clinton have officially announced their choices for VP, but we have it on very good authority that said decision will be announced within the coming months.
We thought we’d join the number of other theories out there and give our picks for who stands the best chance at being on the same ticket as the first female nominee and the first orange-American nominee.
Trump
Before we dish out the deets on who made Trump’s shortlist for VP, we had to keep in mind two things. First, who would be willing to run on a ticket with Trump? Second, if you’re a Republican elected official who values your reputation, would you risk it by being Trump’s VP nominee? That being said, you’ll find that only a few of his potential nominees are elected officials, but that’s only because Trump’s reality star-turned-presidential candidate shtick has inspired many other “average” Americans to throw their hat into the race.
Trump’s Hairdresser
While the name of his current hairdresser is unknown because he is constantly rotating out his hairstylist (we think it’s because his hair is full of secrets), if Trump trusts this person enough to manage his blonde toupee, surely he has the skills to manage the United States.
Melania Trump
Clearly Melania is a patient woman if she has stuck by Trump for the past 11 years. Her looks, compassion and the fact that she only understands every third word Donald says makes her the perfectly attractive “yes (wo)man” that Trump is looking for.
Sarah Palin
Palin “Trump-ed” the 2008 Presidential election before Trump was even a blip on our radar. Combining Trump with Palin, now they’re just asking for media-coverage overload. They will also work as a great problem solving team seeing as Palin can see Russia from her backyard and Trump has a solution that will isolate America from all neighboring countries (just as long as Putin is willing to foot the bill).
Trump’s Spray Tanner
While he too shall remain nameless, Trump’s spray tanner has been working wonders for him for years now. Not only has he given the public something to joke about, but he has managed to cover up many of Trump’s physical imperfections with the wave of his orange wand. This same tactic could be very strategic in foreign affairs as a Vice President. There was a mass shooting? Put those guns in a tanning bed. A war started in Iraq? Paint the country orange.
Enrique Pena Nieto
He may be the current President of Mexico, but it would be in his best financial interest to quit that job and work for Trump the United States of America. Seeing as Trump persuaded him to pay for the wall between the U.S. and Mexico that is set to break ground in 2017, Nieto appears to be very accommodating, which would be a great quality for Trump to abuse while in office.
Governor Chris Christie
After dropping out of the Presidential campaign himself, Christie has become somewhat of Trump’s lap dog- I mean, due to his size, not lap dog per say more like floor dog, but you get the point. An elected official himself, Christie is the perfect combination of Trump-worshipper and feasible Governor that could give Trump the credibility he so very desperately needs.
Donald Trump
What’s better than Trump running for president? Two Trump’s running for president! This man has accomplished so much in a lifetime: he’s married women half his age, gotten plastic surgery that is only slightly noticeable, hosted his own reality show, opened countless hotels around the world, and gained the Republican National Nominee for President of the United States, so why not add VP to the list while he’s at it?
Clinton
Contrary to popular belief, it was more difficult to think of Clinton’s VP list than it was Trump’s. We imagine it has something to do with the fact that both Democrats and Republicans alike would gladly put aside their party differences to stop The Donald. Regardless, we’ve summed up our top picks for you and are fairly certain that Clinton’s running mate is on this list seeing as she is much more predictable than her competition.
Senator Tim Kaine
Not only is Senator Kaine from the swing state of Virginia, but he is fluent in Spanish, the same demographic that is repeatedly scrutinized by Trump. Kaine has the resume and knowledge to be a sound VP, which comes in handy when Clinton’s main trait in her political career is “caution.”
Jeb Bush
If there is one person that hates Trump more than Clinton, it’s Jeb Bush. What’s that saying, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”? Yeah, that logic and Bush’s last name will be a sure-fire way to confuse the hell out of the general public almost as much as Donald is already doing.
Senator Sherrod Brown
Hailing from another swing state of Ohio, Brown shares many of the same ideas as Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. This could be key in uniting the Democratic party under one ticket. While Brown has stated that he is not interested in the title, we’re certain a few words with the Big Dog will change his mind.
President Bill Clinton
Speaking of the Big Dog, why not throw his hat into the ring for VP nominee? Having held office for a successful two terms, maybe its time for Clinton to get back into the White House, and I don’t mean as Hillary’s husband. I mean seriously, Bill deserves a stronger title than “First Man of the United States,” maybe something more along the lines of “Former President Vice President Bill Clinton.” He can also win over the ladies’ vote… if you know what I mean.
We send our sincerest apologies to anyone that has to address an envelope to the Clintons.
Senator Elizabeth Warren
What’s better than Clinton being the first female Presidential nominee? Clinton picking another female to be her running mate to make the first all-female ticket for the White House. Warren is already fulfilling her presumptive VP duties by bashing Trump every chance she gets. Likewise, with her anti-Wall Street message and her work on consumer advocacy, she brings a populist edge to the Clinton ticket.
Bernie Sanders
While Clinton and Sanders may not see eye-to-eye, that old man is a lot stronger than he looks. Seeing as he will fight to the end instead of withdrawing from the race, Sanders exudes persistence and doesn’t seem to care about humility, two traits that are great for a VP to have.
Kim Kardashian
How do you defeat a popular reality-show star? You ask an even more popular reality star to be your running mate. Now Hillary will not only get votes from women that support her, but she’ll get the votes of twenty-something-year-old boys pining for her VP’s backside. As an added bonus, Kim K’s hubby, Kanye West, is gearing up to enter the race in 2020, so why not start campaigning early and learn a thing or two.
