The nation’s capital – sounds cool, right? I mean, it has been a few years since your sixth grade field trip, but you still think it would be awesome to call the Obamas your neighbors. Don’t let the hype and those perfect pearly columns of the White House fool you. Washington, DC is a terrible place to call home. Here are 10 reasons why.
1. Cherry blossoms obstruct the views of the monuments.
Don’t let these trees ruin your amateur photography side hustle. Are they pretty? Sure. Intrusive? Absolutely. The planting of the 3,000 some cherry trees in DC took place in 1912 as a sign of friendship and gift from Japan. They ceremoniously line the Tidal Basin, which is bordered by the Jefferson Memorial, the Martin Luther King, Jr. National Memorial, the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial, and the George Mason Memorial.
2. The presidential motorcade might slow down your work commute.
It may be cool the first time you see it. You might even Snapchat a short video of the parade of black SUV’s as they drive by. But the bragging will cease in time and you will dare to beep your horn in frustration as the presidential motorcade makes you late for your early morning meeting.
3. The abundance of cupcake shops will ruin your low-carb diet.
With Georgetown Cupcake, Sprinkles, Baked and Wired, Sweet Lobby, and Red Velvet among the choices littering street corners around the District, you’ll have to change your walking route to the metro to avoid temptation. #annoying
4. The museums are free so they must be bad.
Sure, you may have seen the National Archives in the movie National Treasure or caught a glimpse of the Hope Diamond in the Museum of Natural History on the History Channel, but how legit can free museums be? Entry to nice places costs money, right? Most Smithsonian museums are free and open every day of the year except December 25. Click here for a list of Smithsonian museums.
5. Ben’s Chili Bowl will be a constant reminder of your cooking shortcomings.
Forget grandma’s chili recipe. Ben’s Chili Bowl champions this dish better than anyone. It’s one of DC’s most notable landmarks and was founded in 1958, in a neighborhood that used to be called “Black Broadway” – now commonly called the U Street Corridor. Signature dishes include the “original chili half-smoke,” a beef and pork sausage served up on a steamed bun, and, of course, chili dogs. You’ll walk out of Ben’s feeling like a total disappointment in the kitchen, every time.
6. There are too many farmers markets to choose from.
Some farmers markets are located just a few blocks from one another in DC, which contributes to the overall frustration of choosing a destination. The struggle you feel while deciding where to fetch some organic kale on Saturday morning can really ruin your weekend.
7. The row houses are too quaint.
Hundreds of colorful row houses line the streets in neighborhoods like Capitol Hill, Georgetown, and Shaw. They seem almost too perfectly painted and groomed though. Totally suspicious.
8. Sports aren’t really your thing.
Sports teams like the Nationals, Wizards, Capitals, D.C. United, and Redskins all call DC home. But do you really want them in your home? Rowdy sports fans overcrowding the metro are oppressive.
9. It’s too urban. Where’s the nature?
Rock Creek Park is the oldest and largest urban park in the national park system. It extends over 1,700 acres and is paved with paths for cyclists and hiking enthusiasts. If you’re into golf, horseback riding, picnicking, or tennis, you MIGHT enjoy this park.
10. Jazz in the Sculpture Garden? You can’t hear yourself think with all that noise!
Jazz in the Sculpture Garden happens every Friday during the summer months on the corner of 9th Street and Constitution Avenue in DC. An eclectic mix of jazz is performed by top Washington-area artists and pitchers of your favorite drinks can be purchased at the Pavilion. But don’t let atmosphere overcome your senses. All that laughter and jazz music you hear around you is LOUD!
That’s the roundup of top DC deterrents. It’s hard to believe that nearly 700,000 Washingtonians call the city home considering the barriers to living. If you’re still set on moving to DC, make sure to stay in the news loop by subscribing to Famous DC.
