So you’re having a casual catch-up session with one of your childhood friends, and when you bring up your status as a D.C. denizen, the conversation goes something like this.
You: “Well, that’s what happens in the DMV.”
Friend: “The DMV? Didn’t you just renew your driver’s license a month ago?”
You: “No, not that DMV. You know — D.C., Maryland, Virginia.”
Friend: “Huh?”
You: “Never mind.”
It’s not the first (nor the last) time you’ve tried to explain this obscure abbreviation to an outsider. And your friends just don’t get it. But the DMV is a natural part of your vocabulary now, and you’re rarely talking about the Department of Motor Vehicles. It’s just a symptom that you’ve been living in the D.C. area for too damn long.
Here are some other signs that — as the Counting Crows would say — you’ve been bummin’ around this town for way, way, way, way, way too long.
- It doesn’t faze you that you’ve been sitting in I-495 traffic for so long that the radio has played that new Adele song three times since you left for work.
It’s raining, so you’ve driven three miles in the last 45 minutes. And you know exactly when Adele is going to break out with, “Hello from the other side.” She must’ve called 1,000 times…to tell you she’s sorry…that you’re stuck in traffic.
- Speaking of the radio, you probably know the Hot 99.5 Morning Show hosts better than you know your own family.
If your morning commute involves I-495 or — wince — I-270, you’re spending way more time with the Kane Show crew than you are with your family and friends. And you probably call them more often, too, with some of your deepest secrets. Let’s face it — these guys are your real confidants.
Source: http://www.hot995.com/onair/the-kane-show-47672
- When the escalator at the Bethesda Metro station is out of service — again — you welcome the glute workout.
Most tourists would cry having to physically climb one of the longest subway escalators in the country. But as a D.C. native, you know that these escalators break often. And you’re also wise enough to know that an escalator can never really be “out of order” — it just turns into a personal StairMaster. So you welcome the opportunity to tone your muscles, because you’re living in the fittest city in the country.
- Speaking of escalators, you’ve learned to control your temper when tourists stand on the left and try to pass on the right.
It’s a rule that every D.C.-ist knows: If you plan to relax and let the escalator do its work, you stay to the right. If you want to pass to catch the train a little bit faster, you do so on the left. It’s just like driving, people. But tourists never quite seem to grasp this concept. Fortunately, you’ve lived in D.C. long enough to not let this bother you anymore.
- You don’t need to look at the WMATA website to know the Red Line is delayed.
You’ve lived here long enough to know that it’s pretty much always delayed. Disabled train? Single-tracking? Unruly passenger? Fire? It’s always something. That’s why you load up your podcast library in advance. And maybe you even download that Adele song to your phone, because it’s just tradition when you need to get through a long ride. (Always nice to have a “hello from the other side”…of the tracks.)
- At happy hours, you don’t need to ask what that guy does for a living, because he’s announced it before he even entered the bar.
If you’ve lived in D.C. for long enough, you know that it’s more common to learn people’s occupations — along with their salaries — than to learn their names. Depending on the wait for a brew, you’ll probably be treated to a long list of their accolades including their investment in new beer self-serve technology as they complain about the wait. After all, everyone in D.C. is an influential government official. It’s the important things that matter, right? (“My name is Joe, but you can just call me six-figures-a-year congressional staffer.”)
- The OPM Federal Status Website is at the top of your bookmarks list.
At least, this was the case in previous years. The explosion of “Snowmaggedon” and “Snowpocalypse” made it a daily adrenaline rush to check the Office of Personnel Management website to see if you could sleep in for the day (and in your bed, not at your work desk). But this year, you’re probably wondering: Is this D.C. or is this Florida?
So don’t expect a snow day anytime soon. But the website will still come in handy in another month or so — as a D.C.-ist, you also know East Coast weather can be more impulsive than a teething toddler.
Love it or hate it, it’s still an obsession.
You’ve put up with the idiosyncrasies of the nation’s capital for so damn long — but that doesn’t mean it’s time to pack up and leave. Sure, you deal with a lot, but there are also plenty more reasons to love the District than to debase it.
You’re a laughing, loyal local, after all — and perhaps for life.
