Last night if you were lucky enough to have cable, you witnessed brilliant television. You’ll be missed, Jon Stewart. How could you leave us now?
Also on tv was the GOP debate – which was almost as great – but not nearly as brilliant.
Two main takeaways from last night: Everyone Still Loves Raymond Reagan and Donald Trump still isn’t impressed by Rosie O’Donnell’s figure.
In the spirit of handing out worthless achievements – only rivaled by participation trophies – we’ve selected a few award winners from last night.
- Winner of GOP FoxNews Debate: Bret Baier’s Tan
- Mostly Likely to Have Lost the Pimp and Prostitute Constituency: Mike Huckabee
- Most Awkward Moment: The very beginning of the debate when FoxNews made the candidates stand in awkward silence for what felt like thirty minutes
- Strangest Moment: Chris Christie and Rand Paul battling about hugs
- Most Ignored: Ben Carson
- Best Bro Moment: Rand Paul running up to Trump post debate to give him a handshake
- Biggest Sweetheart: John Kasich
- Best Gesticulations: The Donald
- Most Popular Statement: “I’m the only guy on this stage who…” – closely followed by – “My parents were poor.”
- Strangest Closing Statement: Ben Carson talking about separating siamese twins
- Most Mentioned Non-Candidate: God (thank you FoxNews for the strangest debate question ever)
Damn you, Jon Stewart. Damn you.