Unpaid Intern: Napkins and Ice Water
Why? Because your boss just spilled coffee all over himself. And face it, between high DC living costs and your student loans, you really can’t afford a $5 dollar coffee.
Paid Intern: Grande Double White Chocolate Frappuccino with Extra Whip and Caramel Sauce
Why? Because you’re a big time player now making it in the real world. Between fixing the debt ceiling and making copies, and you over heard your boss says a lot of big words jumbled together
Cap Hill Staffer: Black Coffee
Why? You will do anything you can to sound more official. Cream, sugar? That’s for the weak minded, you work in politics now.
Senator: Nothing.
Why? Starbucks is too mainstream, and too cheap. The Senator French presses his own coffee.
Lobbyist: The most expensive thing on the menu. (Even if you hate it)
Why? Because you can, and you will.
“Social Media” Expert: Dirty Chai
Why? Because you spend the day digging into other people’s desires. (Stalking them, more or less.) You’re good at your job, and you like to give yourself props on how much irrelevant information you know.
PR Professional: Skinny _____ Latte
Why? Because, it’s all about the messaging. You’re suave. You and the rest of your 1000 person firm tirelessly helped brand the name “Skinny” and by God you’re sticking to the facts that this drink is actually good for you. (Or so they say).
Reporter: Double Espresso
Why? You work double the hours as anyone else in this 9-5 city, so you need double the energy. Plus, how else do you become the office’s most obnoxious typer?
Green Peace Worker: Green Tea Lemonade
Why? You’re outside all day. Can I talk to you for a minute? No? #refreshing