Call us paranoid, but all the scandalicious headlines these days have us thinking what just might be coming next….

The White House Garden has never produced any produce. It is all secretly flown in from China. With the exception of the White House Beehive. Bees?

The IRS not only made parody videos of Star Trek and Gilligan’s Island, but also rockin’ mashups of “Call Me Maybe” and “Friday.”

The NSA/Verizon cell phone snooping scandal gets even juicier when details emerge that it was really just Malia reading her crush’s text messages.

The U.S. Mint has been manufacturing Altoids all along.

The State Department used federal funds to create its own version of Grindr. It even works at all the Diplomatic posts overseas!

All public meetings of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms are held in Hawk & Dove on half-priced wing night.

Justice Antonin Scalia never graduated law school. The hat he was sporting at the Inauguration really did belong to Machiavelli.

President Fitz is two-timing Olivia Pope with Abby Bartlett and Sydney Ellen Wade….Wait….

Representative John Dingell started lying about his age when he turned 30. He’s been longest serving Member for years already (But seriously, congratulations Congressman).

James Carville is found living in the Capitol crypt.

The Library of Congress: now powered by “Let Me Google That For You.”

Oh yeah, and probably that socialist, Muslim, Kenyan-born President thing again. That’s not going anywhere.