So anyone who lives, works and (dare I say) loves in Washington, DC knows that lobbyists often get a bad rap. You name it, we’ve done it: bribes, sex scandals, corruption, lack of transparency and so on. Basically, we are all awful people.

But, anyone who lives in DC also knows that lobbyists are often delightful human beings. And we definitely don’t have fangs–unless it is October 31st, because these Ladies now how to enjoy themselves some Halloween.

Thus, Ladies Who Lobby would love to comment on the recent POLITICO story that a DC lobbying firm employee will be on the Bachelor. For the moment, we will put aside the fact that Ms. Murphy is not in fact a lobbyist–not registered in the LDA–but rather an administrative assistant for a lobbying and political communications firm.

Regardless, it is not just VIP cocktail waitresses, models and masseuses who need a little extra help finding their one true love via a 13-episode long reality TV show. Lobbyists need love too.

And, with that, here is why we think Ms. Murphy will steal the Bachelor’s heart:

1) We Value Your Happiness: Lobbyists are attuned to your every whim. We spend our days anticipating the needs of our clients. We know before you do that S. XXX or H.R. XXXX is the perfect present to get you for Christmas. We revel in making your day and, like McDonald’s, we love to see you smile.

2) It Ain’t Just About our Looks: We have brains too. Who else could tell you off the top of her head that the Suspension Calendar is reserved for bipartisan, noncontroversial items of legislation and that the testy Robert Byrd is the longest serving U.S. Senator.

3) You’ll Never Get Stuck Chatting About the Weather: Lobbyists are excellent at small talk. We charm staff assistants while waiting for our meetings, exercise verbal thrusts at fundraisers and are excellent at thinking of the perfect nonsequitor to steer the conversation away from that time you ran into that Member in the elevator.

4) Boozehounds: Have you seen how much these ladies drink on the Bachelor? Lobbyists would be wellllllll primed for constantly having a drink in hand while filming. There will be no drunken confessionals or unintentionally catty comments.

So, there you are. Ladies Who Lobby are waiting with baited breath for Ms. Murphy’s television debut. Especially since she is a shoe in to win the Bachelor’s hunky heart.

P.S. The Bachelor is unironically on immediately after Jeopardy, so if you find yourself too embarrassed to tune in, just put Jeopardy on and let it all unfold.