The NFL season is in full swing and Brad Kanus has agreed to join us for another year.
FamousDC presents … Fantasy Football Rantworthy: Week 6
This week’s fantasy rant is honor of the fallen Crimson Tide. The Ol’ Ball Coach always has something special waiting under that visor for top ranked teams.
Enough about has-been teams – let’s get to the show.
1. The Cowboys are a lot like the Longhorns – lots of talent, zero discipline and very bad coaching. And let’s not forget, they are both literally the richest programs in their respective leagues.
2. Matt Forte… whatever. One lucky long run was the difference between a 10 point week and the 32 point week he had. Do not put a ring on the finger of the girl who can clean up nicely every once in a while. Put a ring on the finger of the girl who can put up 100 yards rushing and 50 yards receiving every game no matter who takes the snaps. Take notes people – these are rules to live by.
3. Antonio Gates and Drew Brees really are putting together a nice fantasy season. I’m not sure the Chargers will do much as team, but the duo has hooked up seven times for TDs and has made Gates better than every WR in the league this year. However, Cooley has a blog so I drafted him with Gates on the board. There’s something about being able to ridicule your fantasy players directly on their blog during the game. Also, Cooley has photographed his penis in the past, which we know is something all future NFL hall of famers do – see item #4.
4. Ben Rothletsgogetaburger – the live show.
Brett Favre – the abbreviated mobile device compatible version.
Somewhere in here there’s a commercial from Wrangler claiming to have successfully shielded many a woman from Favre’s penis. I can see the ad now “When I wear my Wranglers, nobody sees my penis. Real. Comfortable. Jeans.”
This Sterger chick can’t do anything now to save herself. If she cooperates with the NFL investigation she’s no better off than she is now having leaked the info that’s out there in the first place. You don’t pants the King of Football and get rewarded for doing so.
Favre was one more retirement away form joining the most famous saying in America “It’s as American as Chevrolet and Apple Pie.” The committee that governs the saying was going to put “Brett Favre” after “Chevrolet” after this season. Sterger has brought that plan to an abrupt halt.
What Sterger needs to understand is that Brett Favre is Brett Favre and that one day she’ll be ugly and possibly fat. He wins. She should have just met him the hotel room and let him run one up the middle. She has no idea how many football fans would die to have that chance… Peter King comes to mind immediately.
5. Brandon “Christopher” Lloyd is Kyle Orton’s muse. John Elway controls them via telepathy, obviously. Orton is a great Quarterback. I know you don’t believe me, but he is… I swear to God (John Elway).
6. Best five defenses fantasy wise this week – Lions, Raiders, Cardinals, Falcons and Bears. Do you see the pattern there? Yep, teams that have names ending in “s.” The Lions? No way.
7. Kicker Josh Scobee had 22 fantasy points this week. His shitty team, the Jacksonville Jags, scored 36 points in their win over the shittier Buffalo Bills. Did this guy kick 12 field goals? Seriously – I don’t know because I have a JVC flat panel TV with a special filter that doesn’t allow me to even see shitty football team’s highlights much less entire games.
8. Depending on how your league scores, Forehead Manning is the top fantasy earner this year so far. The guy is automatic and never the number one overall in the draft.
9. LT looks good, but he doesn’t look great. The same goes for Adrian Peterson and Chris Johnson.
10. Arian “Bananas” Foster is more exciting when Houston is winning. Matt “About to be Out of the” Schaub was better three games ago too.
11. Byes this week – Bills, Bengals, Cards and Panthers.
12. My picks – Do not assume the Titans will cover 5.5 at the Jags. I’ll take the Bucs easily over the Saints. And expect Houston to have huge rebound game against the Chiefs.