… We can finally move on to matters that are important to … well, nobody. [priorities]

Former Major League slugger Sammy Sosa’s well-publicized March 2005 denial of performance-enhancing drug use will be looked into by a congressional committee , according to The Associated Press.

Next up: Launching a congrssional oversight committee tasked with figuring out whether or not deiters who were drawn to Slim Fast via Tommy Lasorda are eligible for a refund.