Finally, a good fantasy week for me.  I’m not saying I dropped a lot of points and beat my opponents into submission – I’m simply letting you know that they sucked as much as I did this week.

1. Kellen Winslow Jr., Plaxico Burress and Vernon Davis all missed time this past week because their coaches wanted to prove some kind of point about being a “team player.”  I must submit that this is utter bullsh*t.  Let the NBA lead the way in “role models,” I don’t play fantasy basketball.

Coaches should know about the two things that infuriate fantasy football owners.  Obviously the first thing is the “running game by committee.”   The second thing is benching vital players for anything other than sucking ass ON THE FIELD.

2. Keeping with the benching of solid players theme… A guy like Plaxico Burress should get an automatic five points for the game if he unexpectedly sits out the game, or half, because his coach is being a big fat baby.  It’s only fair.   Coughlin, by the way, would be getting a royal ass chewing right now if they had lost with Plaxico spending the first quarter on the bench.

3. Big Ben Rothletsgogetaburger had a rough day. Because our friend Ben sold his soul to the devil and had an amazing rookie season, he’s now slowly having his real rookie season for the rest of his entire career.  I hope you enjoyed Ben’s three point fantasy blowout with a nice warm bowl of Campbell’s Chunky Soup.

4. Brain Westbrook spent a few hours not being injured on Sunday and ripped off 167 yards rushing and two TDs.  I’m sure he will find a way to hurt himself before the weekend so don’t get all excited and trade Adrian Peterson and T.O. for him.  Unless you’re in league with a bunch “Palin babies” and they will take just T.O. for him.

5.  The Chargers and the Saints did battle across the pond in the UK this past weekend.  Watching the game was priceless.  Being somewhat new to the game, the British crowd cheered at odd times and booed at even odder times.  The only time the crowd went dead silent is when Drew Brees ran backwards to the one yard line and chunked the ball out of the end zone for a safety.  Even seasoned NFL fans were a little taken aback by the move, but the crowd in London looked on as if someone had just punted a baby dolphin through the uprights.

FAIL moment of the game – The Saint’s kicker missing a point after… They’re a soccer town. We might want to make the short ones to save ourselves the embarrassment next time.

6.  Joe Flaco the Moldy Taco ran like my dad for one touchdown and was 12/24 for 140 yards and a TD through the air. Good for him.  He still sucks.  I’d rather pick up Dante Culpepper off the wire than this hack.  Call me when Flutie is available.

7.  How about them Cowboys?  Yeah, how about them… The Giants are 6-1 and the Skins are 6-2.  Correction – the Giants play the Cowboys in New Jersey this Sunday so we’ll go ahead and call the Football Giants 7-1 on the year.  Jerry Jones is about five minutes from tearing the fake skin from his head to reveal he’s actually George Steinbrenner.  Make sure you have your footballs ready as you enter the stadium at the next Cowboy’s home game – Brad Johnson should be tearing tickets at the gate by then.

8.  Peyton Manning is quickly becoming the Leif Garrett of the NFL.  We will remember his short period of greatness, but be way more interested in what team he’s playing backup for next year.  Football is about more than having an enormous forehead.  He needs to stop throwing to the other team immediately to keep from being on season 15 of Celebrity Fit Club.

9.  We haven’t said anything about Carson Palmer this season.  And we’ll continue that trend.

10.  Texas, Alabama and Penn State are all undefeated and looking for a spot in the National Championship.  Bama has to go to LSU and may have to play the Gators in the SEC championship.  Texas must get past Texas Tech’s insane offensive attack and then it’s smooth sailing.  Penn State is cruising now and really only has to make sure they don’t turn the Iowa game at Iowa into a “trap game.”   My prediction? Lee Corso admits Kirk Herbsteit is his love child.

The best case scenario is a Civil War rematch between the Tide and whatever Penn State’s mascot is (Joe Paterno?).  North vs. South with a pre-game Civil War battle reenactment in the parking lot.

11.  I still don’t care about the Tennessee Titans.  The only player on the team I can name is sitting on the bench on suicide watch.  Oops… there’s also Jerome Bettis Jr. – all the weight and none of the talent.  LenDale had 10 rushes for 13 yards and two TDs.  Do not rely on this guy – he’s tits on a bull every other week and he’ll leave you high and dry.

12.  LT (LaDainian Tomlinson for the moment) racked up 22 fantasy points this week.  I wouldn’t get too worked up over Marshall Faulk Jr. – one game in a foreign country isn’t a turnaround.

13. I was embarrassed by the Miami Dolphin Safe Tuna this week when they bagged the high school offense in favor of more traditional one and actually beat the Bills.  You might remember Ted Ginn Jr. from Ohio State being drafted ninth overall by the Dolphin Safe Tuna a couple of years back.  Or you may remember the Gators using him as toilet paper in the National Championship couple of years back.  Either way, he had a big game.  He won’t have another.  Teams will actually cover him next week now that he’s proven he can catch the ball.  In previous games Ginn would just run up and down the field because the coach promised him ice cream after the game.  Start Ronnie Brown against Denver this week – he will score for you.

14.  Kyle Freaking Orton spent his bye week in his mother’s basement playing “Call of Duty 4” on Xbox Live, eating pizza and answering fan mail from fat girls way too into animee.

15.  Favre.  He’s the only guy in the league who consistently wins game by throwing more interceptions than touchdowns.  Even though Favre is from Mississippi, he may be far more intellectually advanced than the rest of us and it’s a strategy we can’t even understand.  Rumor has it that the pass he throws in the Wrangler jeans commercial was an interception as well.

16.  Game of the week – Ravens at Browns… almost unwatchable.  Throw in the Colts for a three-way in this game I’d be interested.  Retire John Elway’s jersey at halftime = priceless.  If you didn’t understand any of that – Tennis is on ABC at 1:00 pm eastern.