I can not believe that FamousDC is still focused on political crap given the crisis that is Fantasy Football.
1. Last time I saw Tom Brady he was on a yellow road with a lion, talking oil can and some hot chick with braids – he was on his way to see a wizard about some ligaments. Little did I know his absence would completely end any chances of Randy Moss contributing to my team. Way to go Brady. Your replacement can’t throw the ball more than five yards down field, which means Randy Moss would have to catch 55 passes a game to be viable starter in any league. You can’t catch 55 passes when you are in quintuple coverage.
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2. You may remember the #1 draft pick in your league. Yeah well, he took a big #2 on those who drafted him by racking up a total of three (3, tres, thrice) points in Sunday’s game against the Denver Broncos. LT + TB = Busted season. Meanwhile, LT’s backup, Darren Sproles, ripped it up with 24 points. Good thing no one in the entire nation had him on their team.
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3. I do have to give “props” to the Maryland Redskins. They knocked off Kim Kardashian’s boyfriend’s team in a stunning upset. Santana Moss and Clinton Portis both put up 20 plus points. I have both of them in one league even though Clinton Portis is a cross-dressing maniac who spooks the likes of Michael Jackson.
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4. There are no apologies for those of you who drafted Steven Jackson. He plays for the NFL’s Special Olympics team; what did you expect to happen?
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5. Brett Favre went all “Brett Favre” again. “Brett Favre” is the only word in the english language that can be used to describe complete genius and complete idiotic failure.
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6. Peyton Manning used to be Mr. Automatic. Now’s he’s just a guy with a huge forehead.
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7. Sure the Chargers were “robbed,” but when you are chosen to win the Super Bowl it shouldn’t be that close anyhow. I don’t feel sorry for the chargers. Jay Cutler whipped their ass and he has diabetes. Do you know how hard it is to play with a bag of candy stored in your pants?
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8. Chicago Bears’ World of Warcraft quarterback Kyle Orton went up for six points this week. I guess he should work on his level three magic attacks. A little trive for you – Orton graduated from Perdue. Perdue has a receiver named Orton this year – he sucks as well.
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9. And if you don’t think Al Qaeda can control the weather in order to F’ up our fantasy football season then you must have not had any Houston Texans starting for you. I feel bad for the folks whose leagues lock all the players Sunday morning. I played a guy with a Houston Texans receiver and he got screwed – a big fat zero. I don’t, however, feel sorry for anybody with players on their team from the Ravens – you’re better off they didn’t play. Hell, Baltimore is better off they didn’t play. The entire league is better off that we didn’t see Joe Flaco run around like a knocked-kneed band nerd in football pads. He belongs on the field alright – at halftime with a Tuba and an inhaler.