All we can think about is what we don’t want to happen.

Despite past politics, let’s be real: when it comes to entertaining guests, everyone should be pro-wine. Let’s reach across the friendsgiving table and break some bread, shall we?

Rules:

1. Everything is closed, so the city will be empty & lonely. You must get very drunk.

2. Meats shouldn’t be combined into one mega dish. But you can have every type of meat on the table.

3. If you are the host, you must invite and then talk about the fact that at least one DC area celebrity chef, socialite or high-powered lobbyist who knows Obama will “Try to stop by for an aperitif.”

4.  Get there early – at least one of you will be stuck up against the wall with no more than three inches between you and the dining table. Deal with this circumstance gracefully.

5. You are allowed to finish a bottle of wine by yourself.

6. DO NOT bring your business cards. Everyone knows you.

7. Live-tweeting the event may be necessary, because odds are everyone is downing a bottle of wine.

8. Only all out bragging will be tolerated. Humblebrags result in being escorted out immediately.

9. Glitter and sequins are strongly encouraged. This goes for gay and straight men, as well.

10. Selfies explicitly prohibited. Groupies ok, but not preferred.

11. Talk about the price of your airline tickets home will be restricted to the first 30 minutes of Friendsgiving. We’re all poor and lonely here, move along.

12. Coordinate with your host on whether or not holiday carols may be sung at the top of your lungs when you are blackout at dessert time.

13. Speaking of dessert, do not overindulge in it. We all know the #realworld15 is just as real as the #freshman15.

14. As Ari Gold once said, “Hug it out.” No shaking hands here people, this is #Friendsgiving.

15. You can’t refer to yourself and your significant other together, if applicable. Examples: “We’re so excited to travel in December,” “We loved Graffiato!” Using the “Royal We” to refer to yourself is ok.

16. When you inevitably run out of things to talk about with friends of convenience, your upcoming marathon, wildly expensive trip, and completely unaffordable condominium are acceptable backup conversation topics.

Additional rules from our friends:

First one to check his Blackberry has to say grace. -@CapitolHillStyle

Drinking copious amounts of bourbon cider is a must. Heavy on the bourbon, light on the cider. -@AlyssaFarah

Don’t invite people who don’t get along. -@beccaroo8

Happy #Friendsgiving, friends!

SP + KC
& Marie

Photo by Michael Andrade