It’s everyone’s favorite time of year. No, not FebruANY…Oscar season. But speaking of six inchers, we decided to take a page out of Anthony Weiner’s playbook and whip it out…It being our take on the Political Academy Awards. Because if Hollywood and Washington share anything, it’s our mutual desire to self-congratulate.
So, we asked ourselves: what if Old Man Oscar gave some golden love to the political animals that pay our rent and drive us crazy? Just like the real Oscars, you’ll see some old favorites and some rising stars. And while there’s no big musical number (except for Kotecki who hooked us up), there will be some witty dialogue and perhaps some surprises.
To keep things interesting, we’re only revealing the nominees. The last thing this city needs is more reason to inflate a could be winner’s ego.
Category: Best Actor or Actress in a Leading Role
- Herman Cain, for “Grandstand and Deliver” one man’s journey in and out of politics in 30 minutes or less.
- Rick Perry, for “Dude, Where’s My Crib Sheet?”, an unforgettable tale of debates, prep sessions and…and…uh…
- Mary Landrieu in “Sea Biscuits and Gravy,” why eating horse is gross.
- John McCain, “How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Mitt”, a story of rivals turned frenemies.
- Michele Bachmann for “I Peaked Too Early: the Michelle Bachmann Story.”
- Newt Gingrich, for “Prince of Tides”, the true story of one man’s quest to rule the moon.
- Nancy Pelosi for “Evita 2: Don’t Cry for Me West Covina”, one woman’s struggle to overcome the side effects of the minority.
Category: Best Actor or Actress in a Supporting Role
- John Edwards’s attorney for “The Best Years of Our Lives.”
- The scaffolding holding up the debt ceiling for “Ow, My Back: No Seriously, Somebody do Something Before I F*#%ing Collapse and Bring the Global Economy with Me”.
- Mark Block’s Cigarette, for “Smoke ‘Em if You Got ‘Em.”
- Bill Clinton for “Over the Shoulder,” a story of how he accidentally outed his buddy Weiner.
- Calista Gingrich for “Third is Just as Good As First—A Guide to Politics and Marriage”.
- Dual Nomination: Sheila Jackson Lee and Louis Gohmert for “127 Hours”, two House Members’ struggle to get the best seat for the State of the Union.
- Eleanor Homes Norton for “Are there any Women at this Hearing…About Women?”
Category: Best Art Direction
- Anthony Weiner’s cell phone
- Newsweek’s photo Editors
- Remembering the House Pages
- Debt Ceiling Cat
- Havoc on the Hill
Category: Best Costume Design
- Barney Frank’s (D-Cups) Sweater
- David Wu
- Callista Gingrich wearing Cindy McCain’s hand me downs
- Rick Santorum’s sweater vest
Category: Best Director
- Matt Drudge
- Chris Christie
- Grover Norquist
- Mike Allen, Playbook
- Chris Frates, Influence Alley
Category: Best Picture
Category: Sound Editing
- Huntsman’s Back by the Huntsman daughters
- D*ck in a Tweet
- Any Tim Pawlenty Ad
- Rick Perry Bad Lip Reading
Category: Visual Effects
A big thank you goes out to our nominating committee, which included: DC Wife Snake, Box, Ms. B Hayden, Brad Kanus and Neda Semnani, who always brings the funny.