When Jonathan Martin Speaks - You Pay To Listen

What’s the World Coming To?

People are paying to hear JoMa.

Congratulations to our Secretary of Education.

Dear Sanford and Sun, Remember the Rule of Holes - When You’re In One, Stop Digging

Dear Mark — We talked to our spiritual advisor today, and he told us to tell you - it’s about time to move on.  [dude, seriously...]

Kenny Rogers might have said it best …

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.

Happy Choosing,

FDC

Stuart Smalley Finally Declared Winner — Begins Reelection Bid Tomorrow

The longest Senate campaign in history is finally over. [diapers]

Democrat Al Franken, a satirist turned politician, was declared the winner of a Senate seat in Minnesota on Tuesday, clearing the way for President Barack Obama’s party to secure a critical 60-seat majority in the Senate.  [live from DC...]

Asked if he was ready to begin his illustrious career in the Senate, Franken couldn’t help but inject humor:

"I really will be catching up," he acknowledged. "I’ll hit the ground, if not running, trotting."

We look forward to following Mr. Al’s work. Good luck, sir.

Congressman Lee Terry Channels His Inner-Rahm

It’s this kind of thing that can help politicians lock up the youth vote:

The invective that CQ reporter Richard Rubin overheard at 1st and C streets Southeast from Republican Rep. Lee Terry this morning is hardly the kind of language you’d expect to hear in Omaha on a Sunday morning. [f-bomb]

NPR Turns Camera On Lobbyists - Will They Start Wearing Disguises?

Has This Ever Happened Before?

NPR turns the cameras on the lobbyists and calls out how much their firms make.

Spot the lobbyists?

Spot the Gucci?

Where’s Waldo [and his lobbying disclosures] ?

If they keep this up, we bet they’ll lose a few corporate donations next year.

UPDATE: A reader wonders whether or not they can incorporate Facebook technology and "tag" photos of these lobbyists.

When In Doubt, Play the “Faith” Card

Politico begs the question: Why so few women in infidelity club?

When South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford admitted to an extramarital affair on Wednesday, he presented an all-too-familiar tableau: the pained expressions, contrite words and teary gaze of a male politician confessing sexual indiscretion. Coming close on the heels of a similar admission from Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.), it is clear that sex scandals will always be with us.

But after two of the same dramas within two weeks, it’s fair to ask: Does the casting ever change? Are female politicians really that much more faithful — or are they just not getting caught?

For more on "Sex Scandals" of the last decade, try this on for size.

And stay tuned next week when Politico asks the question:  Why do so many politicans part their hair to the left?

Congressional Playground Fight: Obey Vs. Waters

Folks, you can’t make this up …

Last night on the House floor, David Obey battled Maxine Waters and her quest for the "Maxine Waters School for Kids Who Can’t Read Good."

Roll Call: Obey, Waters Fight on House Floor

House Appropriations Chairman David Obey (D-Wis.) and Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) engaged in a shoving match on the House floor early Thursday evening that ended with Obey raising his voice and bellowing, “I’m not going to approve that earmark!”

Politico: Obey-Waters clash on House floor

House Appropriations Committee Chairman David Obey (D-Wisc.) and Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) engaged in a late afternoon shouting match on the House floor after Obey reportedly rebuffed Waters on a $1 million earmark request, aides and witnesses said.

Witnesses, speaking on condition of anonymity, said it appeared that Waters pushed or shoved Obey.

The Hill: Obey, Waters in Noisy Floor Fight

“You’re out of line,” Waters shot while walking down toward the well.

“You’re out of line,” Obey shot back before turning and walking away.

But then Obey stopped, turned back toward Waters, and shouted: “I’m not going to approve that earmark!”

Wow, that was amazing .

Let’s go back to the tape.  Was this really Maxine’s comeback?

"He pushed me first!"

What didn’t work in elementary school, surely works now.

What should they do for punishment?

FamousDC suggests, each member spend 30 minutes in timeout and write 100 DoD appropriations requests.

UPDATE : Speaker Pelosi’s office has confirmed the following statement was delivered to both parties in the cloak room immediately after the floor fight:

Speaker Nancy Pelosi : "I don’t care who started it, the both of you will be quiet and keep your hands to yourself or so help me Obama, I will turn this House right around!  Do you hear me?"

UPDATE 2: A witness adds his first-hand account:

David Obey’s earmark throw down makes Jeff Flake look like one of those "Stop Bitching And Start a Revolution" guys in Georgetown.

UPDATE 3: A hill tipster said Congresswoman Waters sent this around to offices today (no mention of who pushed who first):

Congresswoman Waters would like to bring this to the attention of all of her colleagues. Please share her statement with your boss.

Additional information provided by the L.A. Unified School District about the program is attached.

On Thursday I inquired of Congressman David Obey of Wisconsin – Chairman of the House Appropriations Committee – why he instructed the Chairman of the Appropriations Subcommittee on Financial Services to deny my request for funding for the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) Adult Education Program.
Chairman Obey angrily replied, "I am not going to fund your request because you are attempting to circumvent my rule not to fund any project named after a Member."

I originally requested $1 million for job training programs provided by the Maxine Waters Employment Preparation Center (MWEPC), and I explained to Chairman Obey – as I have on many previous occasions – that the MWEPC is an official school within the LAUSD and that it serves the poorest part of my district, in fact one of the poorest communities in California if not the nation.

In addition, I explained that if Chairman Obey’s intent is to deny funds to Representatives who have used their position to name projects for themselves so as to further their political goals, that this was not the case for me: I emphasized that the school was named for me in 1989, prior to my becoming a Member of Congress.

The Watts community of Los Angeles where the MWEPC is located is one of the poorest areas in the United States. According to the 2000 census, median household income there was only $19,419, per capita income was only $6,720, unemployment was 48%, and nearly 65% of people over 25 have no high school or equivalent degree.

I have therefore worked hard to bring vocational and alternative education to Watts since my time in the California State Assembly. The MWEPC offers academic and career training programs to more than 9,000 people annually who desire to advance their education to improve their job prospects. By increasing the number of capable workers, it bolsters the local economy, particularly locally owned small businesses.

This school serves dropouts returning to school, poor families, and individuals seeking career development through vocational education in areas such as nursing, banking, and automotive mechanics. This specific request would fund programs for students interested in small business development and entrepreneurship.

At a time when unemployment in California and nationally is at record highs, and the recession is more like a depression for the Black and Latino residents of Watts, it seems we would want to fund and support a successful program like the MWEPC, which is a national model for employment training opportunities.

The MWEPC is certainly not a pet project, or even a private organization. The request to fund it is by no means linked to any campaign contribution. Far from being a "monument to me", the MWEPC is a public school within the Los Angeles Unified School District, and the Los Angeles Unified School District would be the direct recipient of the funding.

Following Chairman Obey’s earlier decision not to provide funding that I had requested for the MWEPC, I instead requested funding for the Adult Education Program of LAUSD, which would have discretion to apply the funds to job training programs it determined most appropriate. Chairman Obey decided to reject this request as well.

In my conversation with Chairman Obey, I tried to impress upon him the contradictions in an earmark process that funds projects and programs for private, affluent schools and other private, well-heeled organizations but denies requests for a successful public school program in such an impoverished community, particularly in these distressed economic times.

Chairman Obey was angry, and shouted that he didn’t care about my plea. He was absolutely clear that he wouldn’t fund the LAUSD Adult Education Program or the MWEPC, and an angry exchange ensued between us. This confrontation between us was further exacerbated when I noted that one Republican member from a much more affluent district received approval in the same committee markup for a funding request similar in amount to mine.

I will continue to advocate for what is right and fair for both my district and the country. The earmark process is arbitrary and favors projects advanced by high-paid lobbyists, and this is a prime example of how the system often works against the well-being of the poorest and neediest people in our country.

Sanford And Sun: One Man’s Crusade For The Perfect Tan Line

We guess marriage is between a man, woman and somebody from Argentina …

From Mark Sanford’s Inaugural Speech: [click]

"In not my, but our collective hands, is held the promise of change."

From Mark Sanford’s emails to his Argentian girlfriend: [click]

"The erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light."

While the Sanford story gets stranger by the minute [I love your tan lines] , we should remind you that his wife originally claimed that he was off "writing".

Working titles of his memoir include:

Foreign Affairs IS the Job of State Government

Hiking, Affairs and South Carolina - A Book About Golf

How I saved John Ensign’s Ass

I Will Not Accept Your Money, That Foreign Chick, However, Is Coming With Me

Who Says Republicans Don’t Have Fun?

If Spurier Wasn’t Going To Do Anything Exciting In SC, I was.

Sanford and Sun:  One Man’s Crusade For The Perfect Tan Line

Open Letter To Governor Mark Sanford Re: His Appalachian Fakeout

Dear Governor Sanford,

When Senator John Ensign confessed to an affair with a former staffer, we were amused but not necessarily impressed .

Then you came along with your unplanned vacation to South America.

Your staff thought you were hiking in the woods - but not you, you wanted something special. Something exotic.
And thus the summer just got more interesting.

Your motivation? You wanted to get away from a tough legislative season. [take the money]

Who among us hasn’t wanted to get away from it all. But not since the runaway bride have we seen someone take stress so far  - and for that we salute you.

Best hopes for the future.

FamousDC

PS: Did you happen to snag any souvenirs while you were away?

Transgender Opponents With $5 In Their Campaign Coffers Don’t Make Roy Blunt Nervous

It looks like Roy Blunt might have himself a pretty formidable opponent in his bid to capture a Missouri Senate seat.

Transgender political activist Midge Potts says she’ll attempt to run for U.S. Senate under the Progressive Party banner.

Potts, who ran against Roy Blunt in the GOP 7th District primary in 2006, says she’ll make an official announcement Thursday. The Progressive Party currently doesn’t have ballot status, so she’ll need 10,000 verified signatures.  [over/under on this not happening?]

Issues that will play an integral part of Midge’s platform include: [but are certainly not limited to]

1. Withdrawing all US troops from the Middle East [creative]
2. Balancing the federal budget [easy]
3. Abolishing the IRS [realistic]
4. Making it legal for American farmers to grow hemp and marijuana [game changer]

When asked how much money she had in her campaign bank account, her response, "five dollars." [brutally honest]

Pots is set to kick off her campaign at the Magic Bean Coffee House in Springfield, MO.

Watch the video here .  [worth it]

I’m a Governor — Get Me Outta Here!

Move over Heidi and Spencer — you two aren’t the only ones who decided to get away from it all in order to hang out in the wilderness.

Ben Smith: Sanford was in Argentina [why would anyone want to go there?]

Before everyone starts giving him a hard time about this, please take a look at this map … Looks JUST like South Carolina to us. No?

Capitol Lounge: Bring The Heat Ticket Giveaway

Capitol Lounge, which has experienced its fair share of "heat," is sponsoring a "Bring the Heat" giveaway while the Boston Red Sox are in town.

The challenge: Get real drunk and then attempt to throw a baseball as hard as you can.  If your pitch is the fastest, you win tickets to the Nats Red Sox game. [male and female winners]

The event starts at 4pm today, tomorrow, and Thursday.

DC Late Night Eat Spots

We’ve all been there before.

It’s late.

You’ve been out.

You’ve had a great time with your friends.

But you’re STARVING!

What to do?

Luckily for everyone, DC on a Dime has our back.

DC on a Dime: DC Late Night Eat Spots

• Bistro Francais (Georgetown)
  
• Five Guys Hamburgers (Georgetown)
• Kramerbooks and Afterwords (Dupont Circle)
• Julia’s Empanadas (Dupont Circle/Adams Morgan)
  
• The Diner (Adams Morgan)
• Steak ‘n Egg Kitchen (Wisconsin Ave)
• Ben’s Chili Bowl (U Street)

Flash Mob Protest Set For Longworth

As if dining at Longworth cafeteria wasn’t exciting enough, get ready for a mind-blowing exhibition today:

An unknown number of mostly young people are planning to stage a “flash mob protest” (an orchestrated event in which people arrange to meet in a public place to simultaneously perform an unusual action ) in the cafeteria at lunchtime today. At 12:15 p.m., participants will freeze in their tracks for 120 seconds , then drop ace playing cards — some labeled with “the world needs better” — and quietly walk out, according to an advertisement posted Monday on Craigslist and social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook. [HOH]

Let us help translate:

"Unknown number" = no more than five
"orchestrated event" = a few bored students joined a Facebook group
"simultaneously perform" = strangely attempt to do the same thing
"unusual action" = pretending they have a job.
"120 seconds" = two minutes [for the ones unable to divide by 60]

We wish the Flashmob the best of luck - and suggest the buffalo chicken wrap … delicious.

Mark Sanford Minutes Away From Appearing On The Back Of A Milk Carton

If we had a category tag on FamousDC entitled “strange as hell,” this would go under it.

The whereabouts of Gov. Mark Sanford was unknown for nearly four days, and some state leaders question who was in charge of the executive office.

His wife must have been worried, right?

She said she was not concerned.

But why?

Jenny Sanford said the governor said he needed time away from their children to write something.

Oh, that makes sense.  [wtf?]

PS: Over/Under on this not ending well?

Books on Washington’s Famous Heroes

Everyone in Washington has written a book, is writing one or plans to. One of our favorite readers sent in a few suggestions for book titles for Washington’s Heroes.

These are all in good fun, please don’t take ‘em seriously.

Washington’s Famous Heroes:

You thought it, I said it
Joe Biden does Joe Biden

Sex, Money and Power - How I Managed to Get None of Them
By Jessica Cutler

A Goatee, Two First Names and a Dream: The Chuck Todd story

Wrestling Was Easier - My time as Speaker
By Denny Hastert

Bathroom Etiquette
By Larry Craig

Stop with all the hard questions - My time as Chair of the Intel Committee
By Silvestre Reyes

Don’t Call Me Liz!  The rise and fall of Elizabeth Becton

Why I don’t drive a Taxi : Senator Kennedy’s advice on picking a career

Bob Dole would like you to read this book about Bob Dole
By Bob Dole

I’m boring huh?  I’ll take your f****g car!  - What’s Al Gore been up to since 2000

Move over Mr. Larouche, There’s only room for one of us: The future of Ron Paul

Page Turner: A fascinating book about Mark Foley

Cold Hard Cash: William Jefferson’s savings secrets

The Idiot’s Guide to Getting Caught in a Prostitution Ring
By David Vitter

TMI
By Mark Foley

How to Buy Friends and Intimidate People
By Jack Murtha

The Sneetches are communists and other crazy things I’ve said on cable news
By Michele Bachmann

One vote, Two vote, Ok, I’m tired.
By James Clyburn

Marco Rubio Supporter Gets High

Either this dude has a lot of love for Florida Senate candidate Marco Rubio , or he’s a very gullible intern that isn’t paid nearly as much as he should be.  Regardless, showing support by risking your life is way cooler than doing so via Twitter.  [sky high]

New JibJab Video: He’s Barack Obama

Rules For DC Lobbyists

We stumbled upon this list via SciWonk and figured in the spirit of this weeks shenanigans on Capitol Hill, it was worth sharing.

Advice for Lobbyists:

1. Do NOT touch your Blackberry when you are meeting with me.

2. Don’t schedule a meeting with me without confirming.

3. Don’t openly break the rules.

4. Don’t go around me to my superior.

5. Don’t try bribery.

6. Don’t flaunt your money.

7. Do keep the meeting less than 20 minutes.

8. Do bring 3 people or fewer.

9. Don’t flirt during the meeting OR afterwards.

10. Don’t lie to the scheduler.

Left of the list:

Don’t creepily invite anyone from the office to ride on your boat.

Don’t tell us about the good ole days when you used to work on Capitol Hill.  [it's not 1987 anymore]

And for the love of God, do not wear a seersucker suit.

GW Parkway: A Sign of the Times

The only thing that could possibly make a rainy commute on the GW Parkway better — manipulated road signs.

From NBC Washington: WTOP sent us this hilariously inappropriate picture of the electronic sign on the GW Parkway’s northbound exit from Rosslyn toward the Key Bridge. The Virginia Department of Transportation says it’s not their sign (deny deny deny), but they do know how to turn it off, and someone headed over there to do just that. Bummer.  [saucy]

Apparently the creativity spread from Texas, where a recent sign in Lubbock read: "OMG THE BRITISH R COMING."

Now That Healthcare Is All Fixed …

… We can finally move on to matters that are important to … well, nobody. [priorities]

Former Major League slugger Sammy Sosa’s well-publicized March 2005 denial of performance-enhancing drug use will be looked into by a congressional committee , according to The Associated Press.

Next up: Launching a congrssional oversight committee tasked with figuring out whether or not deiters who were drawn to Slim Fast via Tommy Lasorda are eligible for a refund.

Elizabeth “Don’t Call Me Liz” Becton

We understand that being a staffer on Capitol Hill means that you’re more important than everyone else, and while we hate to pile on after the whistle, what you’re about to read is the definition of terrible bedside manner …

If you want to score a meeting with Rep. Jim McDermott (D-Wash.), know this: His scheduler/office manager, Elizabeth Becton, is to be addressed by her full name — not Liz or any other variant.

An executive assistant at McBee Strategic recently learned this the hard way. A few weeks ago, the assistant e-mailed Becton seeking a meeting with McDermott and a client, JPMorgan Chase. Days later, the assistant checked back in and unfortunately began the e-mail with “Hi Liz.”

Becton curtly replied, “Who is Liz?”

When the assistant wrote back with an apology, Becton turned up the heat. “I do not go by Liz. Where did you get your information?” she asked.

The back-and-forth went on for 19 e-mails, with the assistant apologizing six times if she had “offended” Becton, while Becton lectured about name-calling.

Question: Does Rep. Jim McDermott happen to sub-chair the committee on Anger Management?  If so, perhaps he could bring Liz Elizabeth for a ride-along sometime.

A big hat tip to Anne over at POLITICO for finding this sucker.

Read the entire delicious email chain here.

Please Release Me: Granny Panties

Taegan Goddard reminds us of one of the funniest all time press releases:

It is dated July 19, 1994, and was issued by then-Senator Howell Heflin’s office. That morning, the Senator had been dining in the Capitol with some Alabama reporters, and suddenly felt a sniffle coming on. The reporters were aghast when the Senator reached into his pocket, pulled out a bit of fabric and began to wipe his nose with … a pair of ladies underwear."

From Sen. Howell Heflin

HANDKERCHIEF
JULY 19, 1994

I mistakenly picked up a pair of my wife’s white panties and put them in my pocket while I was rushing out the door to go to work.
…
Rather than take a chance on being embarrassed again, I’m going to start buying colored handkerchiefs.

Have you ever read a press release and thought, “was this actually approved by someone whose academic career went beyond elementary school?”

What about releases that went above and beyond the call of duty and actually grabbed your attention?

In the spirit of drawing well-deserved attention to press secretaries everywhere, we’ve begun to collect press release hits and misses.

FamousDC Public Service Announcement: Save Larry

Larry "Curly" Haubner is a 107 year-old man who’s about to get kicked out of his nursing home [again] because he’s out of money.

When the friends of Larry "Curly" Haubner raised $56,000 for him in 2007, they thought the money would allow him to live the rest of his life in a Stafford County assisted-living center.

Now, they’re not so sure.

Haubner is healthy and happy at Greenfield Senior Living, his home for almost five years. On Sunday, he will turn 107.

But he’s in the same position he was two years ago. He’s out of money and may have to move, a disruption his friends don’t want him to go through.

To prevent that, supporters have revived the "Save Larry " campaign.

FamousDC Idea :  Instead of tossing back 11 beers tonight, how about you toss back 10 and kick the difference to Larry? If you donate - and then let us know you did, we’ll give you a serious shout out on FamousDC.

Now do the right thing.  Help a man out.

h/t KH and LE

Congressman Buyer: “Go Ahead … Smoke Your Lettuce”

This will make Ryan Grim’s day…  [wait for the 2:09 mark]

From C-SPAN’s coverage of the U.S. House floor this morning, during floor debate on regulating tobacco products.

Rep. Steve Buyer (R-IN): "Too often we should be careful about being cute here on the House floor. So cute means the reference with regard to lettuce. So I’ll follow your logic. Do you realize if you were to take that lettuce, dry it, and roll it, and smoke it. And you go ahead and you smoke your lettuce. Do you realize that you are going to end up with similar problems than if you were smoking tobaccco. It’s not the nicotine that kills. It’s the smoke that kills. So It’s the inhalation of the smoke. That’s what causes and is responsible for the pandemic of cancers, of heart disease, respiratory disease, and other disease. It’s the smoke."

If you plan on lunching at the Longworth Cafeteria today, please note you might experience longer lines at the salad bar.

h/t the CSPAN crew - who’s always there once the smoke clears.

Pelosi Wine: Tangy, With a Hint Of Elitism and a Smudge of Baltimore

Name ID is always good for business.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and her husband, Paul, lost at least $100,000 of their new worth in 2008, but they did manage to increase their liquidity, figuratively speaking, POLITICO’s Kathryn McGarr reports.
…

In fact, the Pelosi portfolio was buoyed by a rise in sales from 11 Zinfandel Lane, her vineyard in Napa Valley, Calif., according to 2008 financial disclosure forms released this week.

Question: Does is come in a box?

A Different Kind Of Golden Parachute

When you’re an ex President, you pretty much get to do whatever you want. [the big leap]

Former President George H.W. Bush is poised to celebrate his 85th birthday by making a parachute jump in Maine, but the weather could dampen his plans.

Barbs will watch from the ground.

Famously Overheard: “Dude, Get Me Off This Camel”

Reggie Love to whoever would listen at the time: "I did NOT sign up for this sh*t. I thought this job involved playing hoops and eating burgers with the boss."

Reports are that Rahm enjoyed the ride.

*Photo courtesy of the WH flickr page.

Famously Forgotten

Below are words you probably haven’t heard or said in a while:

eBay  [does anybody use it?]

John Kerry [is he still around?]

Bush Twins [MIA]

Jim Traficant [hero]

Dan Rather [CBS needs you]

Jessica Cutler [poor girl]

Jeremiah Wright [oh, wait...]

Monica Lewinsky [remember her?]

FamousDC Quote of the Week: Rep. Phil Gingrey

Remember this?

For Howard Dean, that clip [which ended is political career] is something he’d like to soon forget, but for others, it’s a classic moment that will be used against him for years to come. Take for example the latest exchange between Dean and Rep. Phil Gingrey, who are both physicians.  [The Hill]

It all started earlier this week when physician-turned-Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Ga.) said he had recently read that Dean’s wife, Dr. “Elizabeth” Steinberg, was no longer taking Medicaid patients because the government reimbursement rates are too low.

Dean fired back on Wednesday, saying, “Dr. Gingrey is just plain wrong. He’s an embarrassment. First of all, my wife is not named Elizabeth, as her name is Judith. Second of all, she does accept Medicaid patients, so this fellow simply doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It’s a good thing he’s in Congress, because I’d hate to see what he’d do to patients.”

Gingrey, who’s known for witty comebacks, struck back with one of the best quotes we’ve seen in a long time:

Under socialized medicine, patients will suffer … they’re going to suffer in New Hampshire, South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and they’re going to suffer in California and Texas and New York. And they’ll suffer in South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan … and then they’ll suffer in Washington D.C. Byah !”

Game. Set. Match.

Rep. Bachmann Compares Economy To Leo Dicaprio Movie

While watching CSPAN the other night, [it was raining] we stumbled across Rep. Bachmann making an attempt to compare the state of the economy to the sinking of the Titanic.  It’s fantastic .

Stay tuned next week when she compares our health care system to the Hidenburg disaster. 

Congressional Motors Launches Pelosi Car

It’s what we’ve all been waiting for.

Congressional Motors just released their seven-way hybrid: ethanol, bio-diesel, electric, clean coal, wind, solar and pedal-powered 2012 Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition. It only took $100 billion and an entire Congress to design it.

H/t jalopnik via RH

Facebook Accountability Venture: How Many Friends Does It Take?

Gov. Huckabee, who’s spends a lot of time on Facebook [or his staff does], is urging people to “friend” VA gubernatorial candidate Bob McDonnell on Facebook.

Bob McDonnell sits at 6,483 fans now on Facebook. He added over 1500 yesterday. Please find 3 friends who are Republicans and have not yet become a fan of Bob McDonnell and ask them to do so today. My goal is to get him over 7,500 today if possible.

Which begs the question: Is there an arbitrary friend total that politicians shoot for in order to guarantee a win on election day?  If so, it’s clearly more than 4500 because that’s how many Terry McAuliffe had and that wasn’t even close to enough.

Not to mention, if a politician does hit that magic "friend" number [let's call it 20,000], but 90% of them are ineligible to vote for the said candidate due to geographical circumstance, what’s the point of padding the numbers?

Obama: Do As I Say, Not As I Eat

President Obama is going to cause some serious yo-yo dieting unless he clears up the contradictory headlines running in today’s news…

Headline 1: "Barack Obama’s gov’t-mandated diet plan" [time to slim down]

President Barack Obama eats his vegetables and exercises every day — and he really wants you to do the same.

Headline 2: World hangs on Obama’s every bite [burgers and pizza]

Pizza from St. Louis, pancakes from Pittsburgh. A juicy burger or a chili half-smoke in D.C., soul food in Chicago. Our new president eats something and the world wants to eat it, too.

We’re so confused we don’t know whether we should hit up McDonalds or the salad bar.

Note: Obama should tap Oprah as diet czar.  [because we don't have enough of those]

Move Over Remote Controlled Bird - You’ve Got Company

If you read our post last week about the $10 million remote controlled bird the government just purchased [via your tax dollars] and that thought that idea was a little much - we can do you one better.

According to Mary Katherine Ham, the remote controlled bird is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to ridiculous robotic creatures:

According to a Channel 2 report the spying robot , about two meters long and covered in army camouflage, mimics the movements and appearance of a real snake, slithering around through caves, tunnels, cracks and buildings, sending images and sound back to a soldier controlling the device through a laptop. The snake has a single camera on front end.

Forget the fact that the damn thing looks like a slinky with a camo sock wrapped around it - do people honestly expect to this thing to work?

Note: The report also mentioned other robot animals, including, a cat that can climb walls by using its claws, and a ‘dog-droid’ that responds to human movement.  Amazing.

Free Crystal Light: A Game Changer

Fro-yo machine in Longworth still not working?

Quality intern you met at McFadden’s last night yet to accept your Facebook friend request?

Economy got you down?

For all of you self-described “poor Capitol Hill staffers” who struggle to make ends meet, do we have a treat for you.

Crystal Light is offering free water at Union Station as part of its Water Way Challenge.

In addition to helping people make a change for themselves, Crystal Light is supporting Global Water Challenge, a coalition that helps provide access to safe drinking water. [translation: not from Mexico]

We understand the thought of free water isn’t terribly sexy, but for those of you who claim you can’t afford anything but Ramen noodles [yet find money to drink 6 nights a week] this should be right up your wheelhouse.

Note: There are several liquor stores [according to Google maps] within walking distance of Union Station. Add vodka to your water and it might make your walk home in the rain [because you can’t afford a cab] that much better.

*PS: If you’re lucky they might even offer you a ride home in one of their Crystal Light cars.

Free water giveaway ends at 6:30pm.

Sarah Palin Has Fancy Toenails

The Huffington Post, known for its mind blowing investigative journalism, has done it again.

This time, toe jam:

At the Autism Speaks walk in Purchase, New York on Sunday, something about Sarah Palin’s toenails stood out.

But wait, there’s more…  According to related stories, this isn’t the first time they’ve painted such great coverage.

Read More: Palin , Palin Toenail , Palin Toenails , Palin Toes , Poll , Sarah Palin , Sarah Palin Decals , Sarah Palin Painted Toenails , Sarah Palin Pedicure , Sarah Palin Pictures , Sarah Palin Rhinestones , Sarah Palin Toenails , Sarah Palin Toes , Sarah Palin’s Toenails , Sarah Palin’s Toes , Style News

“Does President Obama Know Who I Am?”

Yes, he understands you’re a 12 year-old kid with a microphone.  [and he's a tad bit busy]

h/t Wake Up Call

“Blonde Charity Mafia” Postponed Until Fall

This news will disappoint about three people:

"Blonde Charity Mafia," a new reality show about young socialites in Obama-era Washington, DC, has been delayed until fall, according to the CW network.

If this show can’t compete will the summer schedule, it has little chance of getting off the ground.

Only In The Midwest

Because we have a lot of FamousDC readers who adore the Midwest, we occasionally find it our duty to update them on happenings back home.

1. Matt Blunt has one more reason to hate scooters.  [beep, beep]

Former Gov. Matt Blunt was issued a summons by Springfield police on Monday for failing to yield the right of way to a scooter in an accident at the intersection of Kickapoo Avenue and Cherry Street.

2. Try explaining this to your car insurance agent.  [was that a deer?]

A monkey that escaped during a May 8 storm from its cage at a monkey refuge was apparently hit by a car and killed, Polk County Sheriff Steve Bruce has confirmed.

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