Dear MSM: What Ever Happened to Not Sucking?

Yesterday’s coverage of the WaPo "Pay to Print" saga dominated the news .  Even Mark Sanford was relieved to know that it would be highly improbable that his name would be mentioned in the same breath as this scandal.

Or would it…

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford (R) had his mistress and the Washington Post Co. has hers. Sanford was after love. The Post was after money.  [all politics is local]

Better luck on the Sports page, Mark.

The Republican Wives Club

Here’s your mind-blowing fact of the day:

However, Politico notes that "in the 14 years since that star-crossed class arrived in Washington espousing an agenda that placed family values at its core, no less than a dozen of its members have been caught up in affairs, sex scandals or in messy separations and divorces from their spouses that, in more than a few instances, led to their political downfalls." [Goddard]

And those were just the ones who got caught.

If only these women would get together and write a book …  Suggested title: Term Limits

Dear Sanford and Sun, Remember the Rule of Holes - When You’re In One, Stop Digging

Dear Mark — We talked to our spiritual advisor today, and he told us to tell you - it’s about time to move on.  [dude, seriously...]

Kenny Rogers might have said it best …

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.

Happy Choosing,

FDC

Chaos, Arm Twisting - WWF or Congress?

Last week Nancy Pelosi spent a majority of the week sweating out the Cap and Trade bill.  Even while her colleagues enjoyed a Hawaiian luau thanks to President Obama, she was gearing up for the Royal Rumble.  [some things never change]

Pelosi and her top lieutenants would spend the next four hours whipping, cajoling, begging and browbeating undecided Democrats — and triple-checking their whip lists to decide who was a solid “yes” and who was prevaricating on the cap-and-trade legislation.

Just how serious was Pelosi in regards to making sure she had enough votes…

At one point, she even promised to escort one member out to the airport in her motorcade to catch an early flight — as House Republican Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) stalled the proceedings with an hourlong reading from the 300-page manager’s amendment.  [yellow cab]

Some Democrats didn’t play nice though:

Leadership aides say Texas Rep. Ciro Rodriguez promised Pelosi he’d vote yes, but voted no and sprinted from the chamber. California Rep. Xavier Becerra tried unsuccessfully to flag him on his cell phone — and Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) bounded into the ornate Speaker’s Lobby off the floor shouting, “Rodriguez! Rodriguez!” as puzzled reporters looked on.

And in case this whole Congress doesn’t work out for some lawmakers, there’s always bouncing:

Washington Rep. Jay Inslee, one of the taller members of the House, guarded the doors on the floor leading out to the Speaker’s Lobby, warning members not to leave the floor in case anyone needed to switch his or her vote.

Question: Will the Senate stay awake long enough to make this even more interesting?

Famous Line of the Week: Sanford Soap Opera

The Famous line of the week in a political story award goes to Jonathan Martin for this forbidden gem.

JoMa: South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s affair turns political

The intra-party machinations highlight a part of the Sanford soap opera that goes past the governor’s lust for forbidden flesh.

Famously Promoted: “Too Many White People”

This will be the funniest thing you read all day - so just click it.  ["okay, I sold weed in college"]

Mark McKinnon’s Tale Of Two Days

Ever fired off an email and then regretted it a day later?  What about a blog post?

As much as having a virtual bullhorn at your finger tips is nice, it can also be a pain in the ass.

Case in point: Mark McKinnon’s blog [driving traffic]

6/23/09 | Sanford for President

The South Carolina governor isn’t an irresponsible lunatic for wandering off the reservation—he just made himself a better bet for president in 2012.

6/24/09 | Sanford Should Resign

After his disastrous press conference, the South Carolina governor ought to pack his bags, The Daily Beast’s Mark McKinnon writers. Now who’ll be GOP savior in 2012?

You can’t get ‘em all right.

The Top 10 Political Sex Scandals of the Last Decade

Sen. Ensign allegedly having an affair with a married staffer is interesting but in the grand scheme of politician sex scandals, let’s be honest, it’s pretty tame and barely cracks our top 10 list.

Which brings us to…. (drum roll please …)

The Top 10 Political Sex Scandals of the Last Decade

10. John Ensign + married staffer who was apparently paid in dollar bills.

Would have ranked much higher had he announced his affair via Twitter.

9. Rep. Don Sherwood + back rub rejecting mistress

He said he was giving her a massage - she said he was trying to strangle her. He did not win re-election.
Mistress wins.

8. Rep. Tim Mahoney + His jobless mistress

"You work at my pleasure. If you do the job that I think you should do, you get to keep your job. Whenever I don’t feel like you’re doing your job, then you lose your job. And guess what? The only person that matters is guess who? Me. You understand that? That is how life really is. That is how it works.” - Tim Mahoney to former mistress / employee

7. Rep. Vito Fossella + mother of his child that was not his wife

Note to anyone who may possibly be in the same position as Mr. Fossella: If you are pulled over by the police for drunk driving - do not tell the officer you are going to see your sick child and her mother in Alexandria when your wife lives in Staten Island.

6. Sen Larry Craig + ….

The soft shoe routine heard round the world.

5. Sen. David Vitter + D.C. Madam Hooker

Vitter showed up on a list of the clients of the high ladies of the night furnished by the D.C. Madam.
He apologized. His wife accepted. The details of that affair will live on in our hearts forever.

4. Sen. John Edwards + Cici from Poison

Ok, so the woman just looked like Cici from Poison but the former Presidential candidate was caught leaving their love nest by the National Enquirer.

Considering the fact that his wife has cancer and his family is generally adorable, it’s no real surprised that we have not heard from the boy wonder since.

3. Former Governor Elliot Spitzer + $$$$$ Hooker

The plate on the door of the Mayflower Hotel where Spitizer and his lady friend would rendezvous has been stolen several times.

This scandal had everything … hookers, hypocrisy and weird, weird sex.

2. Rep. Mark Foley + pages

AIM will never be the same.  Imagine what would have transpired had Twitter been around…

1. Marion Barry + "the bitch"

Ok - this was 30 years ago. But it’s D.C.’s mayor for life’s finest moment and deserves a place of honor.

If You Haven’t Already, Put Your Dog On A Short Leash

Michael Vick was released from prison early this morning.  [woof]

Capitol Police vs. Hill Staff

Every now and then a FamousDC post will fire up a few people.

We posted on May 14th about a story that Roll Call’s Emily Yehle and DCist’s Sommer Mathis also covered.

FamousDC: Drunk Man Enters Hart Senate Office Building - Attempts to Bar Hop

That same day a comment hit the post and it must have hit a nerve with a certain FamousDC reader:

Louis B Puller:

This is yet another example of the level of competency to be expected of the Capitol Police. Never have I seen such an unprofesional and inept police force. I have seen more discipline in the Afghan National Army. With the exception of those individuals on personal security details this is a wholly dysfunctionig organization.

b knight:

i would like to begin by saying that this is multifaceted problem. the general public has no idea what these officers have to endure and the STAFFERS dont care to know. now i will agree that this latest situation doesnt help any but a large chunk of this blame does not fall to the officers. Read more

Drunk Man Enters Hart Senate Office Building - Attempts to Bar Hop

From the DCist:

Roll Call’s Emily Yehle reports that some drunk guy managed to wander in and out and back in to the Hart Senate Office Building through a parking garage on Monday before finally being stopped by Capitol Police. The incident "appears to be a function of somebody not doing their job." You think? The man, described as having "no malicious intent," was eventually arrested for unlawful entry. Lots of hemming and hawing about human error from officials, and frankly we’re surprised this sort of thing doesn’t happen more often. One interesting tidbit about the effect of the new Capitol Visitor Center, which was built with the intention of streamlining security procedures: Senate Sergeant-at-Arms Terrance Gainer says the new CVC has resulted in "more open doors" and a need for more officers. Earlier today, Terrie S. Rouse, CEO for Visitor Services at the U.S. Capitol Visitor Center, announced that the center has received one million visitors since it opened in December.  [Touring While Intoxicated]

Looks like someone had too many LBJ’s.

Banny Ramirez: Hair Tests Positive For Performance Enhancers

Major League Baseball announced today that Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games for violating its drug policy.  [atta boy]

*Note: This news does not affect the Washington Nationals.  They will still end up in last place.

Rep. Chris Smith Ain’t No Dummy

Good idea guys, let’s protest!

Oh wait, they’re arresting people?

I’m outta here.  [Smith Bails on his fellow soldiers]

From Roll Call:

Five liberal House Democrats were arrested Monday morning outside the Sudanese Embassy during a protest of the ongoing humanitarian crisis in Darfur.
…

The lawmakers — Reps. Donna Edwards (Md.), Keith Ellison (Minn.), John Lewis (Ga.), Jim McGovern (Mass.) and Lynn Woolsey (Calif.) — were handcuffed in plastic restraints and charged with “incommoding” for their refusal to leave the scene, according to Alex Meixner, a spokesman for the Save Darfur Coalition. The lawmakers were expected to pay a $75 fine each for the misdemeanor charge and be free by Monday afternoon.
…

“They wanted to do something to get some attention and direct some much-needed political will to this issue,” Meixner said.
…

Republican Rep. Chris Smith (R-N.J.) also attended the protest but was not arrested.

Open Letter to Mayor Fenty Re: Your Brilliant Idea

Famous DC Contest: Reporters as Crime Fighters?

Schock and Awe

TMZ keepin’ it classy…

Someone Get Grassley’s Spokesman A Beer [update: we suck at spelling]

Iowa Sen. Charles Grassley recently suggested that AIG executives should take a "Japanese approach" toward accepting responsibility for the collapse of the insurance giant by resigning or killing themselves. [that's one approach]

"But I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they’d follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I’m sorry, and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide.

Shockingly, it only took seconds until reporters wanted Grassley’s press flack Casey Mills to clarify the comments.

What Mills actually said:

"Senator Grassley has said for some time now that generally speaking, executives who make a mess of their companies should apologize, as Japanese executives do," Mills said. "He says the Japanese might even go so far as to commit suicide but he doesn’t want U.S. executives to do that."

What Mills meant to say:

"But if they want to commit seppuku , that’s cool, too," said Mills. "Just make sure I get their bonus."

Missouri Lawmakers Look To Ban Celebratory Gunfire

Have you ever been so overjoyed with the results of "Dancing With the Stars" that you wandered outside and fired your gun into the air?

If you’re a Missouri resident and answered yes to the above question, you should probably get that practice out of your system - quickly.

According to recent reports, your elected officials are trying to limit your celebratory gunfire.  [we had no idea this was even a problem]

The [Missouri] Senate Judiciary Committee it considering legislation that would expand the crime of unlawful use of weapons to include the discharge of a firearm into the air for celebratory purposes in an urban area.

PS: We might suggest the Missouri State Senate consider running their own version of this PSA:

Politico Continues Casting Call

Yesterday, Bobby Jindal was compared to a goofy comedian featured on NBC’s hit show "30 Rock."  Today, the Politico figured it was time to cast a GOP villain.

The winner … [find out]

Who will they cast tomorrow?

UPDATE: CNN’s Jack Cafferty compares the GOP to a cartoon. [respect your elders]

The More We Look At This, The Better It Gets

After recently learning that Missouri State Rep. Curt Douchebaggery Dougherty sent out a fundraising appeal that read more like a ransom note than it did an invite, we’ve concluded that Mr. Dougherty might be Missouri’s finest politician, [ever].

Dougherty, who addressed the letter to Lobbyists, Friends, Supporters and Rich Uncles, invited people to drop by his office for what he described as an "Easy Fund Raiser Reception."

And just what exactly is an “easy fundraising reception,” besides something that doesn’t sound legal?  It’s an all day “drop by” in which Captain Curt will provide snacks and beverages.  The invite continues by stating: “I think you know where to find me, If you don’t, call my office for directions.”

Dougherty’s reason for holding such a shady fundraiser is almost as bad as the invite itself:

“I look around and all I see is people raising funds, all except ME.”

Curt, perhaps the reason you have such a hard time raising money isn’t because of a lack of trying, it’s because your approach includes using lines like these:

“Just remember, you don’t gotta like me to donate, you just gotta deal with me.”

And Curt, in case you need one more reason as to why you’re unable to raise money: May we remind you that you once traveled to a “Nude Recreation Convention” to speak to folks about how to better communicate with elected officials.

We repeat: You once exchanged business cards with a group of men and women that were not wearing any pants.

Let’s Not Rush To Judgement

Rush Limbaugh thinks he has a stalker .  She’s described as white, blonde, between 30 and 40 and answers to the name Melanie.

According to Jose Lambiet’s Page 2 Live , it’s unclear as to whether or not Ann Coulter is a suspect.

What is clear is that the said "stalker" rides a bike with training wheels, drinks out of a sippy cup and wears only pirate costumes.  Seems like a perfectly reasonable citizen to us.

Slow News Gay?

Nothing says slow news day like the WaPo running a story about the FBI trying to figure out whether or not Jack Valenti was gay.  [get our best men on the job]

If the spending time on celebrity sexuality is a matter of national security, we certainly appreciate all the hard work the FBI is doing - but something tells us it’s not.

Secretary Sludge

It might be a little-noticed appointment, but it’s now generating a lot of buzz.  [Miss Dirt Digger]

Her sole experience has been as an opposition researcher for Democratic political campaigns: She helped dig up dirt on rivals, or on her own nominee to prepare for attacks.

And just who is it? Find out here.

Before He Got Senatized, Tom Daschle Used to Be Just Like Us

UPDATE: It brings us great joy that we posted this video when it had only 3 views - and that it then made it’s way to the Hannity Show on FoxNews last night.  It goes to show, our tipsters are the best.  Thanks, guys.

UPDATE: NBC Reports Daschle Withdraws Nomination.  FamousDC apologizes for jamming him up.  Our bad, Tom.

Campaign promises often come back to haunt politicians.  For instance, if you promise to change the culture of Washington, then get caught in bed with someone other than your wife, that’s a tough one to explain.  But how often do politicians cut campaign ads, only to watch them reappear years later in a manner that is none to helpful?  [A penny saved is a penny earned]

If you’re Tom Daschle, the answer is today.

That was then. This is now

NY Times: Daschle Pays 3 Years of Tax on Use of Car
…
ABC News: Bumps in the Road: Obama’s HHS Secretary Nominee Faces Tax Questions Over Car and Driver
…

Daschle v. Thune: Daschle’s mansion and Jaguar hurt him in 2004

Pelosi’s Purse Strings

It’s a sad day for working women across America when stuff like this happens.

From Wake Up Call • House Speaker Nancy Pelosi “has ruled that reporters will not carry purses of any kind whatsoever into the Speaker’s Lobby” (The Hill). Hater.

Not to fear, when called, Pelosi’s office explained in great length the rationale behind this epic rule change that forces reporters to leave their personal items behind for anybody to steal.

Pelosi’s office had no comment by press time. [the Hill]

Maybe Nora is right.  Nancy is a hater.

Leave Sally Jesse Raphael Alone

Tom Daschle, complete with Sally glasses, is currently getting unfairly blasted by the media.  The reason: Not paying his taxes.

Former Senate Democratic Leader Tom Daschle, D-South Dakota, said he is “deeply embarrassed and disappointed by the errors that required me to amend my tax returns,” in a letter dated Monday to the senior Democrat and Republican on the Senate Finance Committee.

We’re unclear what the big deal is.  Paying taxes is practically optional these days.  And seriously, it’s not like he was nominated for Treasury secretary.

Sir, Put Down Your Beaker

They say working for the government means you’re entitled to great benefits, but who knew they were this good.

According to Politico, the National Science Foundation [NSF] has a few employees who love experimenting with porn - which is all fine and lovely, except they’re doing the porn research while at work.

Politico reports: NSF employees have been spending significant amounts of company time on smut sites and in other explicit pursuits.

And by “love”, we mean these said employees are a few steps away from having to check into some sort of program.

The report says they were watching, downloading and e-mailing porn, sometimes for significant portions of their workdays, and over periods of months or even years.

And by a few steps, we mean knocking on the door.

In one particularly egregious case, the report says one NSF “senior official” was discovered to have spent as much as 20 percent of his working hours over a two-year interval “viewing sexually explicit images and engaging in sexually explicit online ‘chats’ with various women.”

Looks like the NSF acronym could use an extra W on the end of it. [NSFW]

No More Rice and Beans

Concert pianist Condoleezza Rice just upgraded her menu.  [moving on and cashing in]

The Best Part? It Has An Expiration Date

Spotted at DCist

Duck You: Rahm Refuses To Answer Questions About Blago

As the Chicagoland version of Blagopoly continues to to play out, one character in particular is ducking reporters left and right.

President-elect Barack Obama’s chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, refused to take questions from reporters this morning about whether he was the Obama “advisor” named in the criminal complaint against Gov. Rod Blagojevich.  [is his name really Rod?]

No seriously, the dude his chapped because he REALLY doesn’t want to answer questions.

“You’re wasting your time,” Emanuel said. “I’m not going to say a word to you.

He might not be answering any questions, but remember, we’ve got a screen shot of his gmail account.

Step Right Up. Who Wants a D-Blago Behind Their Name?

Here’s an interesting fact:

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich could still appoint someone to fill Barack Obama’s U.S. Senate seat despite charges that he tried to barter it away for cash or a plum job in what prosecutors call “a political corruption crime spree.”

What’s now unclear is how many candiates who wanted the job two days ago are now willing to but a “D-Blago” behind their name?  [any takers?]

PS: Blago staffers, don’t forget to wish your boss a very awkward “happy birthday” today.

Blagopoly: The Ultimate Pay-To-Play Political Board Game

You’ve read the blogs.

Watched the coverage.

And likely heard about it at the dinner table.

Now it’s time to live the game.

“Because everyone has a ‘f*cking’ price”

Pay-To-Poke: “Senate Seat For Sale” Facebook Group

A reader wrote in a few minutes ago and asked, “How long until we see “Obama’s Senate Seat For Sale” Facebook Group?”

Our answer, “it already exists…”

*Click on image to enlarge.

UPDATE: Lead web investigator Extreme Mortman reports that the seat is also available on Ebay.

UPDATE:  Slightly-used Senate seat also found on Craigslist.

Will the State Of Illinois Help Gov. Blagojevich Pick His Inauguration Outfit?

While “People” scramble to find out what Barack Obama will wear on Inauguration Day, we were wondering what exactly the newly arrested Governor of Illinois would sport on inauguration day.

Perhaps pinstripes or is he more of a orange jump suit kind of guy?

First person to Tweet us the answer becomes the FDC Twitterer of the day.

With the Economy This Bad, Everyone Should Keep Cash In the Freezer

Two days ago the name Joseph Cao would not have rung a bell.  Today, he’s the first Vietnamese American to be elected to Congress. 

Cao, who defeated some poor dude who used a freezer instead of a bank, came out of nowhere.  But that isn’t stopping the blogger bandwagon from filling up.  [where was the love for Cao three days ago?]

Enjoy your victory Mr. Cao, your reelection bid starts tomorrow.

As for you Mr. Jefferson, we heard “Deal or No Deal” was looking for a co-host.

Will Obama Tap a Secretary of Fu Manchu?

Months ago we reported on Obama’s Mustache Mafia.  We pointed out that some of his closest associates were fond of the facial hair.  Now, the Washington Post has picked up on the upper lip phenomenon.  [better late than never]

For a quick glimpse of all of the Obama associates who rock the tickler, click here.  One of them might just shock you.

The FamousDC Golf Clap of the Week Goes to Martin Eisenstadt

What a Tangled Web We Weave

Here’s a quick recap of what’s going on…

Last week, FoxNews reported that some bitter McCain staffers were trashing Sarah Palin and why she wasn’t cut out to be Veep.  Tonight, the supposed staffer doing all the talking outed himself - or did he?

Rachel Weiner:

A former campaign adviser to John McCain named Martin Eisenstadt has outed himself as the proud source of the “Sarah Palin doesn’t know Africa is a continent” story. The New Republic and MSNBC have picked up the Eisenstadt scoop.
…
But it’s not at all clear that Eisenstadt exists. William K. Wolfrum of Shakespeare’s Sister, who was suckered by Eisenstadt during the campaign, did some digging and concluded, “There is no M. Thomas Eisenstadt. There is no Eisenstadt Group. There is no Harding Institute for Freedom and Democracy. M. Thomas Eisenstadt is a hoax.”

What’s even funnier than this guy duping the blogosphere, is his bio page.  A little research and one might have figured out this guy was not to be taken seriously-  Among his media credits, he lists Wonkette.

And, if you needed more convincing that this guy was phony, look no further than one of his blog posts entitled, Boycott NBC and its tranny sympathizers.  Do we really think a presidential candidate would’ve let a staffer pen that blog entry?

But if you find this story entirely to fascinating and what more insight, look no further than this piece written by William K Wolfrum back in June where he explains why he thinks the below video might have something to do with character playing Eisenstadt.

According to Wolfrum:

These videos were the viral rage of the moment approximately a year ago. Interestingly, M. Thomas Eisenstadt wrote about these videos in a post titled “The Arrogance of Inevitability: McCain’s Victory Due to Giuliani’s Missteps.”

…

Maybe it’s just me, but I find the connection kind of interesting. I’m not implying anything of course, but wouldn’t it be interesting if a guy who worked for Giuliani, helped sabotage Giuliani, then went to work for McCain? Just thinking out loud, that’s all.

Could this fictional identity be an inside job dreamed up by a Democrat operative?  Could Carl Cameron have actually been fed phony information by someone who doesn’t even exist?  Interesting indeed.

Free Coffee Has Never Tasted So Illegal

Starbucks get’s an “A” for effort, but an “F” for failing to run this idea by anyone in their legal department.

Seattle-based Starbucks is making fast changes — after being accused of breaking the law with an offer to voters.  [our bad]

…

Prior to Monday afternoon, Starbucks was promoting an ad that said anyone who says enters a Starbucks on Election Day and says that they voted would get a free cup of tall coffee.

Apparently this is more of a “hot” issue than it is a “cold” one, because after doing a little research we learned Ben & Jerry’s stores are doing what seems to be the same thing.

As if you needed a reason to do your civic duty, but free ice cream don’t hurt nothin’. “Come to participating scoop shops on November 4 from 5 to 8 p.m., show us you voted and you’ll get a free scoop of ice cream. Show us your ‘I Voted’ sticker, a photo of you in front of your polling station, do the ‘I Voted dance,’ or just tell us you voted.” Hmm. Those guidelines seem pretty lax. I predict a rampant amount of ice cream fraud the evening of the election.

If Your Last Name Ends With “ey” Stay Away from FL-16

A loyal reader with too much time on their hands, recently pointed out that “embattled” [we've always wanted to use that word] Rep. Tim Mahoney made a statement earlier this year that being a congressman wasn’t the “greatest job he’s ever had.”  Brilliant.

Well, now that he’s been under fire for the past few days about letting a woman, who was not his wife, ride his Mahoney pony, it’s likely that Congressman Sunshine really doesn’t like his job now.

And as the drama unfolds, the latest rumor from Politico:  Mahoney is considering not running for reelection.

We here at FDC don’t know much about fixing gaping wounds in people’s family lives, but resigning is probably a good start.

With that said, we would like to go ahead and officially endorse any other candidate without an ‘ey’ on the end of their name to replace Foley Mahoney.  Which means, yes, Mickey Mouse is shit out of luck.

What about a Smith?  Or a Jones?   Any Howards out there?

When Is This Election Over?

JoMa reports on why this election cycle has gone to the squirrels.  [oh, we get it... ACORN] 

Shoot us.

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