JibJab Has Done It Again

Some of their best work to date.

Hotdogs vs. PETA

On the hill today the American Meat Institute is sponsoring the Annual Capitol Hill Hot Dog Lunch. This means Members and staffers can stop by, grab a hot dog, and meet a baseball Hall of Famer.

Today is also a favorite day to every male hill staffer aged 22 -82, because PETA sends up their Lettuce Ladies to hand out veggie dogs right outside the Hot Dog Party. There aren’t any Hall of Fame baseball players at the PETA party, but there seems to always be a long line.

Ahh, America.

Another Free Cap Lounge Ad

HOH: Striptease II

The titillating tale of the two bare-chested women making out with each other at the Capitol Lounge on Saturday night is reaching near urban-legend status on Capitol Hill. The scandalous rumors are flying (The girls were twins! They were tan but had no tan lines!), but HOH is happy to bring you more salacious, and confirmable, details: The women apparently engaged in the steamy session at the behest of a Lounge bartender, who said if the women wanted to stay at the bar — it was nearing closing time — they would have to take off their tops, according the HOH sources. The women acquiesced to the bartender’s (probably in-jest) request and put on quite a show.

Cap Lounge Cat Fight

We bet the Lounge will be packed this Saturday.

From today’s HOH: Striptease

Revelers at the popular watering hole Capitol Lounge on Saturday night were treated to a scene straight out of a “Girls Gone Wild” DVD. HOH hears two women engaged in a topless make-out session at the front bar, after one of them directed an obscenity-laced rant at one of the bartenders.
…
Amazed patrons snapped cell-phone pictures and videos of the girl-on-girl action, we’re told.
…
Sadly, HOH couldn’t collect any intel on the identities of the misbehaving ladies — neither of whom are believed to be Hill staffers — and HOH couldn’t reach anyone at the Lounge for comment.
…
So we can only beseech our readers for help. Know the identity of the mystery women? Can you shed any light on the naughty incident?

We Could Understand Viqueira

but David Gregory?

Craigslist: NBC–David - 35 (NW DC)

Interested in what type shoes David Gregory wears to work? his shoe size?

FamousDC Posterous

FamousDC - It’s like waking up to a double yolk  egg every morning.

Get the Chuck Outta Here

Well, it’s official, somebody in this country has an unhealthy obsession with Chuck Todd - and proof is in the latest creation dedicated to the Chuckster.

No, it’s not Viva Chuck Todd, we already posted on that strangeness.

Chuck Facts?  Nope, been there, chucked that.

This time, it’s Chuck Todd 08.  Yup, and entire site dedicated to getting Chucky T on the presidential ticket.  Check out the circus for yourself and if you’re feeling brave, grab yourself a campaign poster.  We did.

Cocktails First. Questions Later

INTERNITY: It is intern season.

*Tipsters in the Kitchen

We got a tip from a loyal FamousDC reader that a certain famous chef is filming 10 episodes in our fair city this week. Any FamousDC readers cooking?

Remember we appreciate your ideas, suggestions, and tips. They’re always (and forever) anonymous at TIPS@FamousDC.com

Let’s Hope This Kind of Tomfoolery is a Fad, Not a Precedent

Remember Tom DeLay? Well, after he walked away from congress, folks came from everywhere, circus included, to replace him. Including her. A man in love with himself. And at one time, this guy, who tried to run, but was told it would be best if he just quietly went away.

Well, Mayor Dave Wallace doesn’t want to be quiet anymore.

Wallace, who just so happens to be the current mayor of Sugar Land, TX, is apparently also the Mayor of VH1.

Hold on tight, you might just fall out of your chair.

Oddly Enough, Obama Still Looking for Handouts

Mr. Odd Ball himself, Robert Basler of Reuters, is at it again - this time responding to one fan’s email:

Hello, Blog Guy - Like many voters, I base my decision almost entirely on how good the candidates are at acting out scenes from classic literature. So far this political season, I have to say I’ve been very disappointed.

Basler responded with this classic photo side-by-side. The only thing left to wonder, how this particular reader will respond to the photo.

Chuck Todd, Still Sweeping the Nation

It’s perhaps the strangest phenomenon in the history of NBC News, but we too are addicted.

Chuck Todd mania has clearly swept the nation and we’ve found yet another website dedicated to all things Chuck Todd. [Viva Chuck Todd]

This well constructed and colorful site has Chuck Todd drinking games, real political commentary and even Chuck Todd-themed e-cards, which alone are worth the visit.

Our favorite:

“Well slap my ass and call me Chuck Todd, it’s your birthday.”

And just to top it off, apparently Chuck’s grandmother contacted the site to let them know she’s a fan - and can be referred to as Chuck’s G.

Who doesn’t love them some Chuck Todd?

McCain seeks eco-friendly voters with bottomless pockets

Good news …

If you’re a rich Republican who pretends to care about trees and you’re looking to toss a few hundred bucks away, we’ve got the perfect website for you.

For the rest of the voting public, you’ll have to sell an organ in order to afford John McCain’s latest line of environmentally friendly clothing.

BTW: None of McCain’s “green” items are actually green, which is unfortunate - although, he gets a gold star for trying.

[h/t Wake-Up Call]

Which company is behind this?

Cindy Sheehan doesn’t heart Nancy Pelosi

Rush Limbaugh’s good friend Cindy Sheehan wants House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s job.  [And real bad.]

But in order to do so, she needs 10,198 friends and supporters to sign her petition to get on the ballot. 

Doesn’t seem like such a hard job - except that’s three percent of the district voters - and there’s a slight problem– nobody really likes Cindy.

FDC readers in SanFran - do us a favor, sign Cindy’s petition - just for shiggles.

Rules for Washington Tourists

We’re On the Ball

Since it’s spring and soon it will be summer, I figured I’d put together a little guide for tourists coming to the area. This should serve as a document of direction to help all of you get along while you are in DC visiting us.

Let it also be noted that we know you are a cheap son of a bitch… everything in DC is FREE. We don’t get one dime from your visit, just a lot of headaches. Just Remember that when you are fucking up my day this spring.

Without further commentary…

Section I – Curfew

Article A – You are to never under any circumstances to leave your hotel and travel anywhere in or near the city before 9:30 a.m. This is what we call “rush hour,” it’s a little party where everybody wears a suit and brings their middle finger to share, and you’re not invited. There is no reason for you to be in the city before this time, you can not park anywhere until after 9 anyhow. And don’t try to subvert this rule and leave at six in the morning. There is still no parking on the street (and we know you’re too cheap to pay for a garage).

And yes, even walking around in the city at 9 a.m. is unacceptable. Why, you ask? The one traffic light in your hometown has not prepared you to cross intersections using the flashing hand and “walk” sign properly.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : More than likely you’ll be hit by a bike messenger for crossing at the wrong time, although city buses have been known to whack a few tourists.

Article B – You are to be off of the streets from 11:30 a.m. until 1:30 p.m. You walk way too slow while others of us, who aren’t on vacation, have places to go. Please find a museum or monument to hide in for this period of time. It is also acceptable to be on Capitol Hill bothering your elected representatives at this time. Even if you wanted to eat at this time you could not eat at 95% of the “sit down” places in DC, they require a reservation. Don’t go to subway either, union workers love this place and will stick a bull horn up your ass if you can’t decide whether you want a vegi delight or a meatball sub.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : Nothing really except maybe getting yelled at by busy people for walking too slowly, or you might go hungry.

Article C – Your are to be back at your hotel by 4:30 p.m. This starts the second part of our daily “rush hour” party. Under no circumstances should you even attempt to travel by any means when 1.2 million people are on the move. The fact that you know three alternate routes to the Cracker Barrel in your hometown of Florence, Alabama does in no way prepare you for the kind of carnage that 5 p.m. traffic brings in a big city. Many people who have lived in DC for ten years still will not attempt to drive in traffic, and neither should you. Your Winnebago and your chain smoking wife are not the best tools for downtown DC rush hour traffic. Go to the hotel and take a nap.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : Your children will hear language and see gestures directed at you that they will surely use on the very first day of school when they return home… warranting a visit from Child Protective Services.

Section II – Behavior in Public

Article A – Do not talk to people on the metro (metro is short for metro rail or subway). If you are traveling in accordance to both Article A and C in Section I, then you should have not problem following this rule since there will only be other tourists on the train. If you are in violation of the aforementioned articles you will make an entire train of people uncomfortable. When a person, such as I, is traveling in a crowded metro car I want to quietly read my paper and periodically look about to make sure nobody knows I’m the one passing gas. I do not wish to speak to you. If you catch me passing gas, the proper thing to do is scowl quietly at me. Do not alert other passengers to my breach of proper manners. Only crazy people like my mother talk on trains. Your goal is to not be considered crazy.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : Very dirty looks, or a long drawn out conversation where a well dressed bag lady will tell you about her personal hygiene problems.

Article B – Never talk to DC police. They don’t give directions, tickets or a shit about your problems. Nobody in DC knows what they do besides drive around with their very loud sirens on. If you talk to one of these cops you are liable to make them drive around with their sirens on for hours, for no reason.

In two parts of the city there are people dressed in black and yellow who work for the “Golden Triangle” or “Federal Triangle.” These organizations have people standing on corners who are there to help you find things… most of these people can only help you find crack, and they’ve been known make sexually suggestive gestures towards girls under the age of 15. In fact, that’s all they do. Do not ask anybody in a suit for directions. They know, but don’t care to tell you, because they are busy. This city is designed for you to wonder aimlessly around in, so go with the mood and leave people alone.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : Just wait until you hear the sirens.

Article C – You are never ever permitted to ride a metro-bus. Their routes are not designed to be understood by the common man, and the bus drivers will not tell you where they are going. They will ask you were you want to go and spout something off to the effect of “you all turned up wrong, you gots to snap up the S3 at Sherman park over at C street and catch yourself T12 or a T91 west down too gitchy town and if you get there early enough you hitch a C9 across town.” Then you are left to ask people riding the bus questions, which violates Article B all together. Do not get on the bus! They don’t make change either!

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : you’ll find out… please send us a post card from “the other side.”

Article D – Bums are not to be engaged in any manner at any time, anywhere. There are many bums in DC and they are here because they know you have money to spare since you don’t have to pay for any of the attractions here. You must realize that when you give them change you are effectively making them the second most profitable business you’ll patronize your whole trip to DC (we’ll get to the first most profitable business in Article E). When you give them money, they stay. If you ignore them, they go to Los Angeles. Let’s work on sending them on their way. When you give them money in certain areas, they stay there and they pee there. I have to smell this, and all this is your fault.

Do not stare at bums, this just pisses them off and makes them louder. Do not talk to bums, which would violate Article B of Section II. Don’t let your kids point a bums, this really drives them crazy. And yes, they shit in that bucket; you might want to get it off of your son’s head.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : You will not go to heaven.

Article E – Do not buy anything from the little trailers that line the street around our White House and other historic beautiful areas. If you are not familiar with what I’m talking about these are little trailers, or street vendors, who move in early in the morning and out during rush hour (see Section I Article C). They sell everything from hot dogs and ice cream to cheap shirts that say “FBI.” There is no reason for you to ever patronize these places. They are rip offs, unsightly for those of us who live here and the sole reason for slave labor in foreign countries (they sell cheap plastic crap from Asia). If we all band together in a boycott, they’ll leave and go back to New York where they belong. Plus, if you are eating lunch at one of the stands, that means your are violating Article B of Section I.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : Possible food poisoning from the hot dogs or a horrible rash from the cheap t-shirts, not to mention the feeling of being ripped off because your kid is a whiney fat ass who demands you buy him everything he sees.

Article F – Dress appropriately. You are on vacation, but not in the Bahamas. Put the “daisy duke” jean shorts and tube top away. For some reason you people feel the need to really dress down when the world really wants you to wear a mumu. Foreign leaders roam the streets aimlessly in motorcades and we don’t want them thinking that Bill Clinton’s family has moved to town. If you aren’t dressed appropriately you will not be able to get into any restaurants in DC. The weather sucks here 85% of the time so bring clothes to reflect that fact.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : Nothing really, just people gawking at your ugly rose tattoo.

Article G – If you commission a tour bus to bring you into the city at anytime, I hope you die a horrible death. Tour busses fit on our city streets like fat people fit in airplanes… always in their lane, but spilling over into yours. This city was not made to have your senior citizen, diaper wearing ass trucked around in a bus.

PUNISHMENT FOR VIOLATION : We get your name and address from the tour bus companies and have every single political party ever known send you daily direct mail. And occasionally audit you.

In closing… please remember that we don’t come to your hometown while you are working and screw up your day, so please don’t screw up ours.

Barack’s Sloppy Seconds

For sale on Ebay, you guessed it - Barack’s left over waffle, utensils and plate from his visit yesterday to a local PA diner. [h/t Wake Up Call]

*Thus far Michael Moore is the only bidder.

One last “awesome” Pope post

GWB to Pope: “Awesome speech.”  Really?  [h/t HotAir]

You never even called me by my name

It’s only fitting that native Tennessee Congress[wo]man Marsha Blackburn struggles with her name- much the same as David Allan Coe.

‘In any other office, it wouldn’t sound as strange: ‘OK, let me grab the congressman. Hold on.’ But in this office it does, seeing as how the congressman is Marsha Blackburn, a Republican U.S. representative from Tennessee, who since joining the delegation in 2003 has preferred the masculine form of the title. ‘It’s not something I see as a big deal,’ said Blackburn, 55, the only female member of the Tennessee delegation, emphasizing that she’s not trying to make a statement, feminist or otherwise. [what’s in a name?]

The congressperson’s press flack, ‘Claude Chafin, agreed with his boss:

‘I have never known her to correct anyone who calls her ‘congresswoman.’ I have also never heard her introduce herself as anything other than ‘Marsha.’ ‘ Still, ‘congressman’ is her first choice, Chafin continued. Blackburn signs her official correspondence with that title, and it appears on her website. In several news articles, she’s referred to as ‘Congressman Blackburn,’ with the added disclaimer, ‘her preferred term.’ ‘

We found it appropriate:

As sung by David Allan Coe and written by Steve Goodman:

“No, A’ You don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’
You never even called me
Well I wonder why you don’t call me
Why don’t you ever call me by my name”

DC Flash Mob Gone Bad [Jefferson Memorial edition]

Note to self: Do NOT go dancing at Jefferson Memorial with 20 of your closest friends…at midnight.

J.D. Talley: Free the Jefferson 1

Fark:

Apparently getting a couple of friends together and dancing quietly to your iPod at midnight at the Jefferson Memorial gets you a face plant in the concrete then a trip to detention courtesy of the US Park Police

[UPDATE] Megan McArdle: Dancing fools

[UPDATE 2]
Former assistant national editor for The Washington Times, Robert Stacy McCain has a first hand account:

Today is Thomas Jefferson’s birthday, and last night a flash mob (Facebook slogan, “Let’s Party Like It’s 1743!”) showed up at midnight at the Jefferson Memorial to dance on the steps in celebration. Park Police arrested one of the dancers for unexplained reasons. The flash-mobbers are friends of mine, so this morning at 12:10 a.m., as I drove across Virginia, I got a call on my cell phone from science writer Lene Johansen: “They arrested [name witheld by request]!”

Get off the computer [GET OUTSIDE!]

Wow - Adam Caskey blew the weather forecast this weekend.

Saturday was supposed to be rainy, but was spectacular!

Enjoy the weather, but watch out for kamikaze flies flying into your margaritas!

The future is apparently so bright …

Rep. John Boehner has to wear shades. [find out why]

Michelle Malkin goes “lights out”

[click here] to see why.

Watch Your Back Today

Top 10 April Fools’ work pranks

“When determining whether a prank is a good idea on April Fools’ Day, employees should consider the worst case scenario of their joke. Will his or her joke simply result in a laugh from fellow co-workers? Or could anybody, including you, lose their job?”

While faking a resignation, gluing office supplies to the desk and covering someone’s cube in aluminum foil are among the most common office pranks, here are 10 of the most memorable pranks from this year’s survey

These are good, but our favorite: Put a ‘house for sale’ ad in the newspaper regarding a co-worker’s home.

Dr. Death wants to be your congressman

Assisted-suicide guru Jack Kevorkian has tossed his political hat into the ring and is running for office. 

According to reports, he’s running in Michigan to unseat Rep. Joe Knollenberg.

Kevorkian, who recently spent time in the slammer for killing a man, will apparently run for office from his death bed and while also on parole.

Kevorkian tried to get out of prison early because of health problems, including Hepatitis C, high blood pressure and hardening of the arteries. But the request was denied, he served his full sentence and was released on parole in June. He will remain on parole in June 2009.

h/t [perez]

Campaigning 101: How to excite your base

This lesson in how to run for office is magical.  Trust me.

why.i.hate.dc calls on crazy

The post is worth it - but the video, even better.

I had a dream, so I blogged about it

The 24 hour news cycle covering the presidential race - fine, I can handle that.

The 234,000 blogs covering each candidate and their every move, guilty as charged.

The radio ads as I hear as I drive into work - whatever, I’ve got a CD player.

The TV ads - TIVO takes care of those, so not a problem.

But this … this is going to far: A blog that covers people’s dreams about Barack and Hillary.  [creepy]  

Maybe not the best role model for an aspiring Commander in Chief…

The Little Green Footballs blog reports that while Obama won’t wear an American flag on his lapel, on the wall in his Houston campaign office hangs a Cuban flag with Che Guevara’s face on it.

 Che’s Wiki page

Your Congress at Work

Akers: Meltdown on House Floor Disrupts Lantos Memorial Service

Steroids in Baseball - CHECK
NFL Spygate - CHECK
Pelosi’s Daughter’s Wedding - CHECK
Political Gotcha - CHECK
Terrorist Surveillance (FISA) - nah

Football, God and Politics

NFL Sacks Church Super Bowl Parties

After reading several stories about how preachers sacked the annual event to comply with NFL rules, former Washington Redskins quarterback turned Rep. Heath Shuler, D-N.C., fired off a letter Friday to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell asking for an exemption for churches.

Marion Barry sings at Capitol Hill Holiday Inn bar

Didn’t know he could blow.

From the WaPost: Marion Barry, trying out his lounge act at the 21st Amendment Bar & Grill. The D.C. Council member made a surprise appearance Wednesday night at the bar in the Capitol Hill Holiday Inn as a small crowd listened to the jazz stylings of saxophonist Brian Lenair and his band. After working the room, the former mayor took the microphone and sang “Stormy Monday” as the band vamped behind him. Cellphone camera frenzy!

Schwarzendorsement

Mercurio calls it first: Homeland Security Sec. Schwarzenegger

Eat your vitamins, Hulkamaniacs

and vote for Obama!

MKH: Hulkster endorses Obama

Romney: Man Behind the Curtain?

Romney’s whisper(er) during last night’s debate in Florida

Fully Loaded

The man walking around Capitol Hill Friday with a shotgun found himself in court today. [shocker]

From Roll Call: [paid subscription]

Michael Gorbey, the man who police say was armed with a shotgun and other weapons while walking the streets near the Capitol on Friday, is scheduled to appear before Judge Gregory Jackson in District of Columbia Superior Court today for a preliminary hearing.

Gorbey, who has had prior weapon offenses and once was even questioned by the Secret Service after flying in restricted airspace over Camp David, certainly had plenty of weapons as he walked south on First Street Northeast early Friday afternoon.

Friday’s response certainly was a far cry from a similar event that happened on Capitol Hill about 16 months ago, when Maryland resident Carlos Greene crashed a rented sport utility vehicle through the barricade surrounding the Capitol Visitor Center construction site on the East Front of the Capitol.

Heath Ledger has been found dead in New York…

Developing…Batman - The Dark Knight, featuring Ledger as The Joker, slated for Summer 2008

“[On playing The Joker in The Dark Knight] The Joker, so far, is definitely the most fun I’ve had with any character. He’s just out of control — no empathy, he’s a sociopath, uh, a psychotic, mass-murdering clown. And, uh, I’m just thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying it. It’s just exceeded any expectations I had of what the experience would be like.” - imdb.com

NY TIMES: Signs point to suicide

Ledger’s Friend: “We saw it coming”

From the people that brought us Subservient Chicken

SIMPSONIZE yourself

ARGH MATIE!!

Shipwreck, treasure, insider trading — an SEC tale

Stephen King really just ruined it for everyone.

British researchers discover that clowns are “universally disliked by children”

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