Cliff aka Precipice aka Crag aka Bluff - Thanks to the good graces of Congress and their ability to problem solve, we find ourselves faced with another “cliff” two mere months away. While major kudos should go to Ben Bernanke for coining “fiscal cliff,” we feel it is time to move on. Being the good lobbyists that we are, we resolve to craft a strategic advocacy campaign to convince Mr. Bernanke to coin a new phrase for the upcoming debt limit/sequester debacle. We propose “Fiscal Point of Geological Interest,” “Fiscal Mayan Apocalypse,” or “AveryMerryFiscalCliftmasCragBluffPointofGeologicalInterestFiscalMayanApocalypse-Gate” - or perhaps our favorite, the “Fiscal Uncertainty Can Kill Consumer Optimism Need Greater Respect Even Social Security”…. This is DC… you work out the acronym.
Plan B - That being said, what really is the likelihood of wrenching the term “fiscal cliff” (2.0 or otherwise) from the U.S. zeitgeist? We say LOW. In which case, our second New Year’s resolution is to invest in spelunking gear (carabineers, climbing rope, cute outfits…) for our eventual trip of the cliff. Perhaps showing up to our Hill meetings in hiking/spelunking gear will influence compromise a bit more than our usual LBDs, blazers and pumps. And if not, well at least we shook it up a bit.
Got Milk? - In a final cliff-related resolution we will stock up on powdered milk because we not only face yet another fiscal cliff in March, but we also face the Milk Cliff. The Milk, or Dairy Cliff, will cause milk prices to rise to upwards of $7 dollars a gallon. To keep ourselves in milk mustaches in the New Year, we resolve to stock pile bomb shelter style dried milk. Moo!
Finger Food - Because who could ever say no to mini hot dogs, cheese balls, spring rolls and chicken kebabs? These ladies plan to enjoy their fill of statutorily legal and Ethics Committee approved forkless finger foods. And between toothpick sized crab puffs, we may schmooze a little too. In Washington, dainty hors d’oeuvres are the way to any policymaker’s heart.
Business Cards - If you are anything like us, your desk space is slowly being taken over by stacks and stacks of business cards. And no matter your good intentions, they will never be organized. Nor will they ever stop coming. So instead of resolving to do the futile and organize these bad boys, we plan to have some fun. These ladies resolve to build business card mountain; a point of geological interest that has nothing to do with the fiscal cliff.
Date Across Party Lines - In the spirit of bipartisanship, we resolve to date at least one Republican (each). Although…we see how well this worked for Congress during State of the Union Prom…Maybe we will start slow with Independents.
Workout - Taking a page from the Paul Ryan P90X playbook, these lobbyists plan to emulate many of our fellow New Year’s Resolutioners by resolving to look fit this year. End Goal: Hill’s Most Beautiful People List. That’s right…nominate us.
Attend Every Famous DC Happy Hour - Because that is what cool kids do.